Tag: life lessons

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heart and soul life lessons

Discovering your power: 4 ways to overcome feeling cornered.

feeling cornered

My guess is that you’re here because you’re hurting. You may have come across the title of this blog and thought to yourself, “Yes, that resonates with me. I’m struggling with feeling powerless to rectify an unjust situation.”

Perhaps someone has taken something from you and is refusing to return it, or maybe you were promised something that was never fulfilled, leaving you feeling manipulated.  Maybe you have been bullied, isolated, pushed out, cut off by people you were loyal to. 

When we find ourselves backed into a corner, we feel like we’re under attack, trapped, and being subjected to abusive treatment. We search for a means of escape, a way to claim what is rightfully ours, and a method to overpower those who are leveraging their power against us.

We push back, but nothing changes. We attempt to appeal to people’s humanity through kind words, but to no avail. Despite our best efforts, the circumstances persist, and we have no option but to accept that hearts turn, promises break and life is sometimes unfair.

At times like these it’s important to know although we feel powerless, we are not. Sure, we may not be able to change the situation, but we still have power. We have the power of agency, the power of resilience, the power of community, and the power of hope. 

feeling cornered

The Power of Agency

We have agency. We have the ability to make choices and take actions that can shape our lives and the lives of those around us. Even in situations where we feel trapped or restricted, we still have the power to choose how we respond to our circumstances. We have power over our mind and can decide what thoughts we allow to govern our emotions. 

It’s easy to become fixated on a single opportunity that’s unavailable to us when a door has been closed, and we’re unable to attain what we desire. This fixation can prevent us from recognizing the abundance of other possibilities available to us. We can choose to approach a challenge with a growth mindset, seeking out opportunities for learning and growth. 

The Power of Resilience

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from difficult experiences and to adapt to change. When we face setbacks or obstacles, we can draw on our resilience to keep moving forward, to keep trying, and to keep believing that things will improve.

Building resilience requires developing coping skills, learning from past experiences, and building a strong support system. It is a key factor in achieving personal and professional success, as it allows individuals to adapt and thrive in the face of change and uncertainty.

The Power of Community

As social beings, our well-being is enhanced by having meaningful connections with others. In times of distress, we often seek out allies to advocate for us. However, it can be deeply distressing when those we rely on to speak up for us remain silent, leaving us feeling unsupported and mistreated.

Experiencing such a situation can lead to feelings of mistrust and a desire to withdraw from social interactions. However, it’s crucial to recognize that with billions of people on this planet, there’s a high likelihood of finding someone who can empathize and offer support if given the chance.

Whether it’s through our family, friends, or broader social networks, we can draw on the strength of community to help us overcome challenges.

The Power of Hope

Hope helps us to envision a better future. Even in the darkest of times, hope can sustain us and motivate us.  When we hold onto hope, we open ourselves up to possibilities and opportunities that we may not have otherwise considered.

Hope says, ‘I know you’re hurting, I know this situation is unfair, though there seems to be no way you will come through this.’

*Sometimes we are pushed into corners so we will learn to break down walls.
-a pathway no-one knew was there.

*poem by Lauren Lott from ‘The Remains of Burning.‘

Poetry Books
Categories
Creativity life lessons

Creating something new: expectations vs reality.

creating something new

Creating something new can be an exciting and daunting task.  The idea of bringing something unique and innovative to the world is often filled with expectations of success and satisfaction. However, the reality of creating something new can be vastly different from what we envision. 

Nothing I have ever created has turned out exactly like I planned. Whether it be a book, journal, blog post or writing retreat, all emerge into the world unlike how they start in my head. Not only does the end result look different, but the process, how they form and develop, always takes an unexpected route. Let me elaborate by sharing with you an expectation followed by the reality of what really went down. 

creating something new.

Expectation: Creating something new is straightforward.

Reality: Creating something new is often complex and  requires time, education, and resources. 

For me, every journey to creation is filled with setbacks, failures, and uncertainties. Initial ideas change and evolve over time. I have to be willing to experiment, learn from mistakes, adapt to new information and risk appearing like an absolute fool.

Expectation: Creating something new will result in immediate success and recognition.

Reality: Creating something new does not guarantee success or recognition. 

Every time I create something new, the response to it is gradual. I have learnt that success is determined by timing, market demand, competition, and luck. Every new thing I put out into the world requires me to have a long-term vision, perseverance, and a willingness to let others make it their own. 

Expectation: Creating something new will bring immense satisfaction and fulfillment.

Reality: Creating new things can be emotionally taxing and challenging. It’s common for creators to experience self-doubt, anxiety, and stress during the process of bringing their creation to life. 

During the creation process, I regularly feel pressure to meet personal expectations and external standards. I need to find a balance between passion and detachment, so I can passionately invest in what I am creating but not be defined by it. I experience creative block, crippling procrastination, dissatisfaction and frustration in my work. 

Expectation: Creating something new is a solo endeavor.

Reality: Creating something new often requires collaboration and support from others. 

Along the way I always seek feedback, advice, and guidance from trusted sources. I need to establish small teams with diverse perspectives, skills, and resources. Every book needs an editor, every journal needs cover design, every retreat needs supporters to help gather and serve those who attend, every blog post needs to be researched by reading the words of experts.  In reality, nothing I have created would be here without others. 

Expectation: Creating something new is a linear process.

Reality: Creating something new is a nonlinear and dynamic process. 

There are twists and there are turns. I navigate uncertainty and ambiguity. I pivot, adjust my approach and continually tell myself ‘Be flexible Loz, flow with it’ until my ridged little fingers learnt to let go and trust.  

And so it is with anyone who creates something new. It is a complex, emotionally taxing, non-linier collaboration. But boy oh boy is it worth it!

Categories
heart and soul Journaling

How to find the wisdom you need.

Transform wounds into wisdom

From time to time we all need a little guidance. Seeking the wisdom you need from those who have experienced what you are going through and have  demonstrated sound judgement is invaluable. You may have a mentor, a mother or father figure you go to when you are stuck and  in need of some life advice. You may regard the words and instruction of Plato, Rumi, Thoreau, Aurelius, or Solomon.  You may turn to the pages of a religious text such as the Quran or the Tanakh. 

But have you considered mining the truths that hide inside your own heart? 

How to find the wisdom you need.

I often say, ‘the most life changing words you’ll ever read are your own.’ This statement can be misunderstood if left unexplained. And so, let me clarify. 

When we write about anything with authenticity, we are able to read our own true thoughts and feelings. Knowing what we really think and feel allows us to be emotionally aware of what we need and want, don’t need and don’t want. We can also discover negative thought patterns that cause unnecessary emotional suffering or simply prevent us from growth. This is powerful because it is only when we identify negative thoughts, that we can change them.

Wisdom is truth applied. To gain clarity and find direction, we must first understand what is going on in the heart and mind; we must seek to pinpoint the lies we have adopted as truth. Distinguishing between what is true and what is a lie may seem tricky, however, it is less difficult once it is understood  that lying is an act of fear and truth is always grounded in love. 

Poet David Whyte says, ‘One of the great disciplines of life is having the ability to ask beautiful questions. Beautiful questions cultivate a beautiful mind.’ 

Once you have written down your thoughts and feelings and identified the truth from lies, you can take what is on your page and let it lead you to ask a beautiful question. Beautiful questions are those that always elicit beautiful answers. They lead to wisdom, peace and exciting possibility. 

For example, consider one who wrote ‘I feel rejected’. One may be tempted to spend time trying to figure out if this feeling is true or false, however, the question, ‘Have I been rejected?’ holds within it the possibility of more pain and lacks empowerment.

In this case, a beautiful and better question would be, ‘Now that this door has been closed in front of me, what possibilities can I see?’ If the answer is ‘I see no possibilities.’ This is a good indication that one is in need of processing grief. Although this answer does not seem very beautiful, it does provide insight and direction, which leads to a beautiful outcome. 

Quote, ‘Where there is love there is life.’ Gandhi

Often when people are unsure of what to do next, whether they should go right or left, they take out a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons; the good and bad things that will come from their decision. Although this can be helpful, I suggest you go a little deeper.

Good and bad can be situational; dependent on one’s circumstance. However, this can not be said of love and fear. Instead of listing pros and cons, list the things that align with a loving intention and the things you are afraid of. This is helpful because wisdom, truth, goodness are all branches of the same tree. The love tree. Wise words are found by lime-lighting truth which is always grounded in love.

So to recap.

Wisdom can be found through first journaling authentic thoughts and emotions. Next, pinpoint possible negative thought patterns and lies that are disguised  as truths.  Allow what is discovered on the page to lead you to ask a beautiful question that will yield beautiful answers and outcomes. To take it a step further, make a list based on love and fear. Use this list to help you identify what is wise, truthful and loving. 

Categories
life lessons

There is enough for you. (How to shift a scarcity mindset.)

There is no question, lack is a part of life. We have all experienced times when we have gone without. However, scarcity mindset is when one amplifies lack and creates limitations that do not exist. 

From time to time I struggle with a scarcity mindset. The symptoms are pretty obvious. Firstly, I can be afraid to spend money on myself. I’m the kind of mum who will buy her kids the things they want before I buy myself the things I need. 

Secondly, I have always doubted my ability to earn money. This comes from the thought that I am (a) unworthy to contribute and (b) I downplay my efforts and achievements. 

Thirdly, I often feel like I’m wasting time. Even when I have a super productive or enjoyable day I get a sense that I’ve missed out on something or in some way I am running late for my own life.

And lastly, I don’t like talking about money. 

Thankfully, I have recognised the sneaky way scarcity infiltrates my thoughts and presents itself through my actions/inactions. I have learnt that I can shift my mind from scarcity to abundance, from lack to plenty by intentionally engaging in these three practices.

  1. Don’t downplay what you have. 

Minimising our skills, talents and capabilities often presents as noble or good. In truth, it’s destructive. 

‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson.

In response to Marianne’s words, I asked myself these questions. Do I downplay what I have because I fear criticism, judgement and rejection? Do I think that making myself small will prevent loneliness? Do I deny myself  to avoid a sense of otherness? Does it have to be this way? Could a healthy view of myself and what I have to offer be connective rather than exclusive?

Maybe, the best thing we can do for each other 
is surrender to our own blooming.

When I allow the reality of who I truly am to take hold I sense abundance. At its roots, I believe abundance is manifested through dynamic, purposeful connection rather than personal gain. 

2. Don’t listen to dispiriting talk.

You don’t have to look hard to find dishearted people; those that lack enthusiasm, creativity or energy to do good. Yes life is hard and disappointments are real, however, the way we speak about our circumstances calls attention to hope or hopelessness.

I’m not suggesting we participate in toxic positivity, hide our pain or make light of hurtful experiences. There is a time to laugh and a time to mourn. However, when I tune out the drown of dispiriting talk, scarcity is diminished.

Instead of saying, ‘there is never enough’, I say, ‘things will come to me as I need them.’ Instead of saying, ‘We are not wealthy enough to live there.’ I say, ‘I am grateful for where I live.’ Instead of saying, ‘They don’t think I have what it takes’, I say, ‘I am more than other people’s assumptions, projections and expectations.’

Scarcity loves a good sob story; a list of things that disqualify us, the telling and retelling of times we came to dead ends and closed doors. Abundance bursts everything open; employing gratitude and hope, wonder and curiosity to write meaning into every occurrence. Abundance turns the ordinary into good and the good into great. The more we seek it, the more we see it. The more we speak it, the more we hear it echo in our lives. 

3. Let your heart flower with possibility.

Constantly focusing on limitations instead of possibilities is how people become stuck in their lives. It only serves to create the same old reality from day to day. And soon the days turn into years, and lifetimes.

Anothon St Maarten.

Scarcity mindset is about how we see, not what we own. When I am watchful, when I look for life to surprise me with good things, when I allow my heart to open to the potential within us, when I think of all the wonderful, strange, peculiar, amazing things that have been created in the world throughout history, I feel a sense of excitement for the unexpected good.

I expected them all to bud the same colour, 
but there on one stem a peculiar sight, 
one pink, one white. 
Those sweet lilies reminded me, 
I live in a world of strange happenings, 
unpredictable turnings, 
and there beside the vase 
my heart flowered with possibility.

Scarcity thinks it knows it all, but  in my experience scarcity is ignorant of the creative force that got this all started. Perceiving what is possible is part of being human, and the only thing that saves us from complete poverty of the soul. If you are like me, and can sometimes be hijacked by thoughts that there is not enough for you, let these words ring for you today. There is enough for you. Don’t down play, Listen to what makes you feel large on the inside and let your heart push up a plantation of possibility within.

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Creativity News Publishing

3 attributes of courage – lessons in following your heart.

courage

Today is book baby’s birthday!!!!

‘The Remains of Burning’ was published on October 1st 2020, and one year on she is still bringing beautiful people and opportunities into my life. 

Most recently I was part of a give-away with five other authors. The soul that won my book lives in Thailand. We were both ecstatic when ‘ The Remains of Burning’ finally fell into her mailbox. Magic is when the right words find the right reader. She was a gift to me and I, a gift to her.

I could tell you several stories about these kinds of encounters. From Thailand to Jamaica, from Ireland to Canada (Hello beautiful readers from all these beautiful places) my little book baby has spent the last 12 months bringing light. I’ve always felt my call is less about writing popular books, and more about serving the individual. That’s why I write, for the one’s! 

For years I was afraid to write and publish. I had a problem. Cathy Heller says, when we have trouble in our careers, families, finances, or relationships, often it’s simply a courage problem. This means the solution is in stepping up to the plate, being assertive, vulnerable and integral to who we are. 

Courage is the most important component needed to ship creative work. To push my poetry out into the already over-saturated sea of books, I needed to put on my big girl pants, and risk being criticized, misunderstood or worse, ignored. And so, today marks the day I did it, I found my spine, birthed a dream and discovered a few things about courage.

  1. Courage never stops calling.

Just when you find the nerve to do something, another thing demands still more courage. Being courageous is not an event, it’s a lifestyle. As long as we live, courage continues to chant, beckoning us forward, pointing out possibilities. 

First, I needed courage to write badly, then, I needed courage to show my writing to those close to me. Next, I needed courage to spend hours learning how to publish, after that, I need courage to actually publish. Then, I needed courage to market and promote my work,  followed by courage to keep writing. Then, I need courage to publish again, after that, I need courage to invest in a website. Next, I needed courage to start a blog, followed by courage to start a newsletter. And now I have a list as long as my blessed body (I’m not joking) of things I need courage to create and sell. Never satisfied, courage relentlessly wants us to make bold moves.

  1. Courage builds upon itself.

Courage begets courage. One courageous act leads to another. Often we can think courage is about taking one giant leap, but in my experience, courage is the ability to keep on stepping.

‘Courage is nothing more than taking one step more than you think you can.’

Holly Lisle

The more I step, the more courage I have to keep stepping. The more I write, the bolder my words become. The more I try, the more I want to try again. I plan to look back at my thirties and forties and say, ‘I can’t believe I was afraid of that.’

3. Courage creates an expansive life.

Courage has given me many surreal moments; times so amazing and joyous, it feels like they existed in a dream. Last weekend I spent some time writing them down. After I read and re-read the list, I could not help but say aloud to myself, ‘Wait, did that really happen?’ ‘I never dreamt that I would be there, doing that, with them.’

If you want a life better than you ever imagined, wonderful stories to tell your grandchildren, lists of beautiful dreamlike memories, then courage is the way.

I have learnt that I don’t need to be busy to have a big life; I just need to be brave. For me, bravery looks like backing myself, trusting the flow, trying again, being vulnerable, facing rejection, seeming to be a fool, taking risks, and following your heart. Courage starts with affirming ‘I am courageous’ even when I’m shaking in my boots, and ends with no regrets. Courage has always taken me to a spacious place that oddly feels unknown and like home all at once.

So here’s to ‘The Remains of Burning‘ one year on. I birthed a book baby and book baby birthed courage in me.

image of a poetry book
The Remains of Burning.