Categories
heart and soul Journaling

3 ways deep writing helps to mother teens.

I’m a mum. Those of you who are mothers know what that really means. My kids are teenagers now. Again, those of you who are parenting teens understand what I really just wrote. For those of you who don’t, I’d explain but I can’t  do the impossible. There are some things you know not to even try.

Nothing and Noone could prepare me for mothering teens. No matter how many times other mums said things like ‘it’s a rollercoaster’ or ‘get ready for the ride of your life’ or ‘don’t get whiplash’ still I could not  understand the emotional white-knuckling that was ahead of me.

I have smart kids. They all do well in school. They all know an idiot when they see one and know not to follow. However, they are also doing what all teens are meant to do – need mum less. Gone are the nights when we all naturally gravitate together, now they choose snapping friends over sharing family time. They make their own plans and express their own minds. They are creating their own lives. 

This means things around here are clunky. Schedules clash and expectations crash on the regular. The opportunity to be overwhelmed presents itself daily. Choosing my battles makes its way onto my ‘to do’ list multiple times a week. Collecting plates, cups and bowls from random places throughout the house is a sport (how does one eat and shower at the same time?) Navigating technology and their unquenchable thirst for it is a grief unique to modern motherhood that I must learn to process. Writing deeply is more important than ever.

‘Deep writing is the retrieval from regular life or sense of self beyond motherhood. It’s a way to reach into and explore all that we cannot explain.”

Beth Kempton

Here are 3 ways deep writing assists me in motherhood. 

Deep writing aids deep rest.

Caring for the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing of another human is deep work. Resting well is the only way I can do it. According to professionals, there are seven kinds of rest: physical, mental, social, spiritual, sensory, emotional and creative rest. Writing for restorative purposes is a way to access five of these kinds of rest by quieting the mind, finding purpose, escaping sensory overload, expressing authentic emotion and taking time to appreciate beauty in any form. 

This is how I do it. 

Find a teen free moment. 

Pop in air pods and play relaxing instrumental music.

Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4 (do this until you feel ready to write).

Write the words you need to read. Write the words that allow you to lay down all that weighs heavy upon you (burdens, worries and concerns) Write the words you wish someone would say to you. Write to nourish your soul. 

Deep writing is a way to practise self compassion.

Like most mums, if I do not process feelings of being misunderstood, unappreciated and undervalued in a healthy, calm way, I’ll end up taking it out on my family.  Deep writing is a self-care practice that allows me to acknowledge and celebrate all I have done for my family that may go unrecognised. Instead of being tortured by Mothers guilt (it’s a thing), I take it to the page.

This is how I do it.

Find a teen free moment.

Write about specific real life mama wins. (For example, I looked my teen in the eye and listened to him chatter on about random video game things at the most inconvenient moment.) 

Write about specific real life mama misses. (For example, I told my teen to ‘piss off and stop being so annoying’) 

Write down what you can do to turn misses into wins by extending grace and compassion to both you and your teen.

Deep writing helps me to process heavy emotions, navigate conflict and find wisdom.

Anyone with teens knows that things can be complicated. There are times when little things rock them and big things don’t (go figure). There are conversations that lead nowhere and actions that are sometimes misinterpreted. However much we don’t like it, there IS a generation gap. My kids think and say and do things differently to how I thought and said and did them at their age. Deep writing helps to clarify what should be simple but often isn’t. It aids me to look under the surface and find the questions I need to ask them rather than telling them how it is or should be. On the page I can dump personal attacks done in teenage angst and process hurt that I really don’t want to haul back. 

This is how I do it.

Find a teen free moment.

Write down what you are feeling (anger, sadness, frustration).

Write down why you feel this way (what happened).

Write down how you will choose to react based on the outcome you want.

Write down how you can help your teen move through heavy emotions and feel supported. 

If you are afraid your teen will read what you have written, dispose of the contents of your journal carefully after writing. Writing about your experience for your health and wellbeing is important, however be mindful and protective of young eyes and hearts. If you are interested in more writing tips to help you parent well and champion your child, book a ‘Write to Rise’ session with me. I’d love to support you as you parent your child or teen. 

Categories
heart and soul Journaling Therapeutic Writing Prompts

7 journal prompts to nurture your inner wild.

First, let me explain what I mean when I say ‘inner wild’. Simply, it’s that part of us that dares, that plays, that dreams and knows we were born to be free. Because life is life, our inner wild can fall by the wasteside and we can lose touch with what makes us feel alive. A ‘wilderness experience’ can wake  us up to how we have settled. We can see that just because life is good doesn’t necessarily mean we are free. 

In my life, I can look back on my late twenties and thirties and see that there were about 12 years that all looked the same. Every year, a carbon copy. You’ve heard of Groundhog Day; well, these were my Groundhog Years. Yes, I had small children at the time so there wasn’t much spontaneity going on. Lord knows when a child is in a routine so is a new mother. However, it was more than being a young mum that made these years tedious. I neglected myself; swapped my dreams for someone else’s expectations. It was only when I couldn’t fulfil those expectations that I saw how my inner wild had been tamed.

To experience the best of life, our inner wild must be nurtured. The following 7 journal prompts were created to call attention to your wild side and help you remember who you are.

journal prompts

When was the last time you felt really alive? What were you doing?

Here, try to write about an experience that wasn’t so ‘once in a lifetime’. For example that time you went rock climbing or jumped out of a plane. Look at your everyday life and identify what  things you incorporate in your week that make you feel like you’re being true to you. 

What did you do for fun as a child?

Most kids don’t ask for permission to be themselves. They move toward curiosities without a sense of self consciousness. Remembering how we played and exploring what brought us joy in childhood can re-wild us. 

Where do you want to explore?

Don’t be intimidated by the word explore. If you are like me, then the word conjures up images of fleets of sailing ships, or some overly courageous soul cave diving. To explore is simply to engage in a journey for purposes of discovery. It can be as close as your local second hand book store or as far as the ends of the earth.  Where you long to go tells a lot about who you are and what is important to you.

What thoughts and feelings arise when you read the words ‘adventure’, ‘possibility’, ‘discovery’?

If someone was to say, ‘let’s go on an adventure’, what kind of adventure do you hope they are talking about? What possibilities do you hope are available to you? What would be an absolute dream discovery? If you’re introverted, you’re probably content with a solitary adventure. Write into the above prompt with your personality and temperament in mind.

Write about your wild side. What makes you unique, daring and edgy?

You may be thinking that you don’t have an ‘edge’. Well, that’s simply untrue. Your edge is being you. Many people tell me that they would not be brave enough to write or speak in front of others. For me, it’s like taking a shower. No biggy. I don’t care if what I say or write is cringe. I don’t mind appearing a fool. This is my edge. You’ve got an ‘edge’ too.

What images come to mind when you think about the words, ‘wild new ways’? 

Maybe you see yourself navigating a new city, changing jobs, starting a family, leaving home, ending a relationship, starting a business, engaging in further education, or simply stopping, being still when you have been running all your life. Write about what you see and what is calling to you. 

The word ‘wild’ is often paired with the word ‘free’. Is there any part of your life in which you do not feel free?

Firstly, it’s important to know that freedom is an ‘inside thing’. Negative thoughts and emotions can act as anchors and hold us down. Write about the feelings and thoughts you wish to be free of and the feelings and thoughts that will replace them. To do this you will need to take a good look at the narratives you tell yourself. Using this prompt requires bravery. It is hard to look at truths. However, I suggest you don’t skip it because it can really benefit you.

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Restorative writing