Category: heart and soul

Heart and Soul

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heart and soul

Allow and Align: The power of letting go and being in flow.

poetry newsletter

Allow

Allow means to give yourself permission to be in the present moment without resistance or judgment. It means letting go of the need to control and surrendering to what is. Allowing is about accepting things as they are, rather than fighting against them.

When we allow, we create space for new possibilities to arise. We open ourselves up to new experiences, new people, and new ways of thinking. We become more flexible and adaptable and find a sense of quiet strength.

Align

Alignment is about connecting with the flow of life. When we are in alignment our inner world lines up with our current reality. Instead of resisting change, we embrace it. Instead of wishing and hoping for what we do not have, we treasure what we already hold. When we are aligned, we trust that we are on the right path even if it is uncomfortable or unexpected. 

Allow and Align

It is impossible to find flow if we  hold on to narratives that oppose our current circumstances.  For example, I have to let go of the four year old version of my daughter in order to have a relationship with her now as a sixteen year old. I can not connect with her now if I do not first let go of how I used to relate to her. 

And so, it is with everything. We must let go of what is not so we can take hold of what is. Simple right? Well, of course not. Letting go can be excruciating. Finding flow is not as free and easy as it sounds. Here are a few tips on how we can practice allowing and aligning in our daily lives. 

  1. Practice being present and fully engaged in the moment.

It is easy to get caught up in our thoughts or worries. Being aware of what is happening around us and within us can help us to let go of the need to manage everything. It is my belief that being where we are, attune to all the small wonders around us can help us to value the present moment and find alignment.

2. Trust the process. 

Trust that everything will be ok, even if it doesn’t seem that way in the moment. Trust in the nature and power of love. Sounds ‘woo woo’ right? Well my friends, who cares how it sounds if it works. Trusting can help you to let go of resistance and surrender to what is.

3. Follow peace.

It’s important to think about the kinds of thoughts we think. Do they foster a sense of inner calm? Letting go and finding flow can be difficult but these two actions always result in peace within. If you are unsure of which way to go or how you can find flow, ask yourself, ‘What brings me peace.’

4. Let go of attachments. 

It is easy to mistake connections for attachments. Attachments are things that we cling to, even when they no longer serve us. They can be material possessions, relationships, or even beliefs. 

Finish these sentences in relation to your inner wellbeing, ‘I will never stop ….”, “I will always be….”, “I need……”. If any of your answers are joined to something or someone that is outside of yourself (excluding a higher power) you may have a few attachments that are preventing you from finding alignment.

Once you have recognized your attachments, you can focus on cultivating a mindset that prioritizes placing these things in a healthy position in your life. 

5. Retreat.

We need new kinds of spaces, ones we inhabit because something significant occurs when people convene to delve deeper. We need places to pause, unlearn and return to ourselves so that we can heal and, in turn, help to heal the world.

Allow and Align is a restorative writing experience. Retreat for the day to a gorgeous Noravile beachfront property (Just 10 mins to M1 Motorway, 40 mins to Wahroonga) to slow down and learn how to let go and align with your life through the power of writing.

Through a series of guided writing exercises, creative prompts, and group discussions, you’ll tap into your intuition and gain insight into your personal journey. Together, with other participants you’ll discover keys to letting go of the past and moving forward in life.

Each ticket includes morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, beverages, writing journal, pen and workbook. Join us for a day of self-discovery, inspiration and renewal. To book your spot TryBooking Australia

Allow and Align Restorative Writing Day Retreat.
Categories
heart and soul Poetry

Healing words: How writing poetry can help you find meaning.

writing poetry

Writing poetry has long been recognized as a powerful tool for self-expression, creativity, and communication. However, for me, poetry has also been a valuable tool for healing. It has helped me to process my feelings, find meaning in my experiences, and move forward in a positive way.

One thing I love about writing poetry is that it allows me to express my feelings in a way that is both creative and structured. Unlike other forms of writing, such as journaling or free writing, poetry requires I pay close attention to language and form. This helps me to articulate my feelings or experiences in a clear and concise way. By working within the constraints of poetic form, I can distill complex thoughts and emotions into a few powerful words or images rather than just dumping everything onto the page.

Poetry also allows me to explore difficult or painful topics in a safe and controlled way. When I write poetry, I have the freedom to create a world that is entirely my own, and to explore the deepest recesses of my heart and mind. This can be especially helpful when dealing with trauma, grief, or other forms of emotional pain. 

Writing poetry can serve as a powerful tool to help discover hidden truths and insights in experiences. Personally, during a challenging life transition, I found solace and the silver lining through poetry. Although it did not offer an immediate solution, the process of writing poetry guided me towards recognizing the significance of the journey.

‘Poetry is a life-cherishing force. For poems are not words, after all, but fires for the cold, ropes let down to the lost, something as necessary as bread in the pockets of the hungry.’

Mary Oliver
Writing poetry

Here are my tips on how you can use writing poetry as a tool for finding meaning.

  1. Capture how you feel.

Start by jotting down a few words or phrases that capture how you’re feeling and build from there.

2. Concentrate on word choice.

Sometimes it can take a while to find the words that express exactly what we are going through, but the search is worth it. There is something so powerful, so liberating, about finding language that validates our experiences.

3. Write regularly. 

Like any form of writing, poetry takes practice. Set aside a few minutes each day to write, even if it’s just a few lines. One of my favourite forms of poetry is micro-poetry. It consists of only a few lines or even just one single line and communicates a range of themes in a concise way. You may find that writing one line has more impact than writing sixteen lines.

4. Don’t judge yourself or what you write. 

Sometimes we can feel ashamed of the emotions we feel. Sure, it is hard to admit we are jealous or that we have hatred in our heart, but remember, the page is for healing and finding meaning, not convicting ourselves. It’s ok if you don’t like what you have written or the emotions you feel. They are simply a reflection of what you are experiencing in that moment, not a summary of who you are or what you can do. 

5. Look deeper.

It is my conviction that the most life changing words you will ever read are your own. This is because our own words act as a mirror showing us what we truly believe. Read your own work, learn from it, look deeper and ask yourself why of all the poems you could have written is this what you were compelled to write.

Poetry Books
Categories
heart and soul life lessons

Discovering your power: 4 ways to overcome feeling cornered.

feeling cornered

My guess is that you’re here because you’re hurting. You may have come across the title of this blog and thought to yourself, “Yes, that resonates with me. I’m struggling with feeling powerless to rectify an unjust situation.”

Perhaps someone has taken something from you and is refusing to return it, or maybe you were promised something that was never fulfilled, leaving you feeling manipulated.  Maybe you have been bullied, isolated, pushed out, cut off by people you were loyal to. 

When we find ourselves backed into a corner, we feel like we’re under attack, trapped, and being subjected to abusive treatment. We search for a means of escape, a way to claim what is rightfully ours, and a method to overpower those who are leveraging their power against us.

We push back, but nothing changes. We attempt to appeal to people’s humanity through kind words, but to no avail. Despite our best efforts, the circumstances persist, and we have no option but to accept that hearts turn, promises break and life is sometimes unfair.

At times like these it’s important to know although we feel powerless, we are not. Sure, we may not be able to change the situation, but we still have power. We have the power of agency, the power of resilience, the power of community, and the power of hope. 

feeling cornered

The Power of Agency

We have agency. We have the ability to make choices and take actions that can shape our lives and the lives of those around us. Even in situations where we feel trapped or restricted, we still have the power to choose how we respond to our circumstances. We have power over our mind and can decide what thoughts we allow to govern our emotions. 

It’s easy to become fixated on a single opportunity that’s unavailable to us when a door has been closed, and we’re unable to attain what we desire. This fixation can prevent us from recognizing the abundance of other possibilities available to us. We can choose to approach a challenge with a growth mindset, seeking out opportunities for learning and growth. 

The Power of Resilience

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from difficult experiences and to adapt to change. When we face setbacks or obstacles, we can draw on our resilience to keep moving forward, to keep trying, and to keep believing that things will improve.

Building resilience requires developing coping skills, learning from past experiences, and building a strong support system. It is a key factor in achieving personal and professional success, as it allows individuals to adapt and thrive in the face of change and uncertainty.

The Power of Community

As social beings, our well-being is enhanced by having meaningful connections with others. In times of distress, we often seek out allies to advocate for us. However, it can be deeply distressing when those we rely on to speak up for us remain silent, leaving us feeling unsupported and mistreated.

Experiencing such a situation can lead to feelings of mistrust and a desire to withdraw from social interactions. However, it’s crucial to recognize that with billions of people on this planet, there’s a high likelihood of finding someone who can empathize and offer support if given the chance.

Whether it’s through our family, friends, or broader social networks, we can draw on the strength of community to help us overcome challenges.

The Power of Hope

Hope helps us to envision a better future. Even in the darkest of times, hope can sustain us and motivate us.  When we hold onto hope, we open ourselves up to possibilities and opportunities that we may not have otherwise considered.

Hope says, ‘I know you’re hurting, I know this situation is unfair, though there seems to be no way you will come through this.’

*Sometimes we are pushed into corners so we will learn to break down walls.
-a pathway no-one knew was there.

*poem by Lauren Lott from ‘The Remains of Burning.‘

Poetry Books
Categories
heart and soul Journaling

3 ways deep writing helps to mother teens.

deep writing

I’m a mum. Those of you who are mothers know what that really means. My kids are teenagers now. Again, those of you who are parenting teens understand what I really just wrote. For those of you who don’t, I’d explain but I can’t  do the impossible. There are some things you know not to even try.

Nothing and Noone could prepare me for mothering teens. No matter how many times other mums said things like ‘it’s a rollercoaster’ or ‘get ready for the ride of your life’ or ‘don’t get whiplash’ still I could not  understand the emotional white-knuckling that was ahead of me.

I have smart kids. They all do well in school. They all know an idiot when they see one and know not to follow. However, they are also doing what all teens are meant to do – need mum less. Gone are the nights when we all naturally gravitate together, now they choose snapping friends over sharing family time. They make their own plans and express their own minds. They are creating their own lives. 

This means things around here are clunky. Schedules clash and expectations crash on the regular. The opportunity to be overwhelmed presents itself daily. Choosing my battles makes its way onto my ‘to do’ list multiple times a week. Collecting plates, cups and bowls from random places throughout the house is a sport (how does one eat and shower at the same time?) Navigating technology and their unquenchable thirst for it is a grief unique to modern motherhood that I must learn to process. Writing deeply is more important than ever.

‘Deep writing is the retrieval from regular life or sense of self beyond motherhood. It’s a way to reach into and explore all that we cannot explain.”

Beth Kempton

Here are 3 ways deep writing assists me in motherhood. 

Deep writing aids deep rest.

Caring for the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing of another human is deep work. Resting well is the only way I can do it. According to professionals, there are seven kinds of rest: physical, mental, social, spiritual, sensory, emotional and creative rest. Writing for restorative purposes is a way to access five of these kinds of rest by quieting the mind, finding purpose, escaping sensory overload, expressing authentic emotion and taking time to appreciate beauty in any form. 

This is how I do it. 

Find a teen free moment. 

Pop in air pods and play relaxing instrumental music.

Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4 (do this until you feel ready to write).

Write the words you need to read. Write the words that allow you to lay down all that weighs heavy upon you (burdens, worries and concerns) Write the words you wish someone would say to you. Write to nourish your soul. 

Deep writing is a way to practise self compassion.

Like most mums, if I do not process feelings of being misunderstood, unappreciated and undervalued in a healthy, calm way, I’ll end up taking it out on my family.  Deep writing is a self-care practice that allows me to acknowledge and celebrate all I have done for my family that may go unrecognised. Instead of being tortured by Mothers guilt (it’s a thing), I take it to the page.

This is how I do it.

Find a teen free moment.

Write about specific real life mama wins. (For example, I looked my teen in the eye and listened to him chatter on about random video game things at the most inconvenient moment.) 

Write about specific real life mama misses. (For example, I told my teen to ‘piss off and stop being so annoying’) 

Write down what you can do to turn misses into wins by extending grace and compassion to both you and your teen.

Deep writing helps me to process heavy emotions, navigate conflict and find wisdom.

Anyone with teens knows that things can be complicated. There are times when little things rock them and big things don’t (go figure). There are conversations that lead nowhere and actions that are sometimes misinterpreted. However much we don’t like it, there IS a generation gap. My kids think and say and do things differently to how I thought and said and did them at their age. Deep writing helps to clarify what should be simple but often isn’t. It aids me to look under the surface and find the questions I need to ask them rather than telling them how it is or should be. On the page I can dump personal attacks done in teenage angst and process hurt that I really don’t want to haul back. 

This is how I do it.

Find a teen free moment.

Write down what you are feeling (anger, sadness, frustration).

Write down why you feel this way (what happened).

Write down how you will choose to react based on the outcome you want.

Write down how you can help your teen move through heavy emotions and feel supported. 

If you are afraid your teen will read what you have written, dispose of the contents of your journal carefully after writing. Writing about your experience for your health and wellbeing is important, however be mindful and protective of young eyes and hearts. If you are interested in more writing tips to help you parent well and champion your child, book a ‘Write to Rise’ session with me. I’d love to support you as you parent your child or teen. 

Categories
heart and soul Journaling Therapeutic Writing Prompts

7 journal prompts to nurture your inner wild.

journal prompts
journal prompts

First, let me explain what I mean when I say ‘inner wild’. Simply, it’s that part of us that dares, that plays, that dreams and knows we were born to be free. Because life is life, our inner wild can fall by the wasteside and we can lose touch with what makes us feel alive. A ‘wilderness experience’ can wake  us up to how we have settled. We can see that just because life is good doesn’t necessarily mean we are free. 

In my life, I can look back on my late twenties and thirties and see that there were about 12 years that all looked the same. Every year, a carbon copy. You’ve heard of Groundhog Day; well, these were my Groundhog Years. Yes, I had small children at the time so there wasn’t much spontaneity going on. Lord knows when a child is in a routine so is a new mother. However, it was more than being a young mum that made these years tedious. I neglected myself; swapped my dreams for someone else’s expectations. It was only when I couldn’t fulfil those expectations that I saw how my inner wild had been tamed.

To experience the best of life, our inner wild must be nurtured. The following 7 journal prompts were created to call attention to your wild side and help you remember who you are.

journal prompts

When was the last time you felt really alive? What were you doing?

Here, try to write about an experience that wasn’t so ‘once in a lifetime’. For example that time you went rock climbing or jumped out of a plane. Look at your everyday life and identify what  things you incorporate in your week that make you feel like you’re being true to you. 

What did you do for fun as a child?

Most kids don’t ask for permission to be themselves. They move toward curiosities without a sense of self consciousness. Remembering how we played and exploring what brought us joy in childhood can re-wild us. 

Where do you want to explore?

Don’t be intimidated by the word explore. If you are like me, then the word conjures up images of fleets of sailing ships, or some overly courageous soul cave diving. To explore is simply to engage in a journey for purposes of discovery. It can be as close as your local second hand book store or as far as the ends of the earth.  Where you long to go tells a lot about who you are and what is important to you.

What thoughts and feelings arise when you read the words ‘adventure’, ‘possibility’, ‘discovery’?

If someone was to say, ‘let’s go on an adventure’, what kind of adventure do you hope they are talking about? What possibilities do you hope are available to you? What would be an absolute dream discovery? If you’re introverted, you’re probably content with a solitary adventure. Write into the above prompt with your personality and temperament in mind.

Write about your wild side. What makes you unique, daring and edgy?

You may be thinking that you don’t have an ‘edge’. Well, that’s simply untrue. Your edge is being you. Many people tell me that they would not be brave enough to write or speak in front of others. For me, it’s like taking a shower. No biggy. I don’t care if what I say or write is cringe. I don’t mind appearing a fool. This is my edge. You’ve got an ‘edge’ too.

What images come to mind when you think about the words, ‘wild new ways’? 

Maybe you see yourself navigating a new city, changing jobs, starting a family, leaving home, ending a relationship, starting a business, engaging in further education, or simply stopping, being still when you have been running all your life. Write about what you see and what is calling to you. 

The word ‘wild’ is often paired with the word ‘free’. Is there any part of your life in which you do not feel free?

Firstly, it’s important to know that freedom is an ‘inside thing’. Negative thoughts and emotions can act as anchors and hold us down. Write about the feelings and thoughts you wish to be free of and the feelings and thoughts that will replace them. To do this you will need to take a good look at the narratives you tell yourself. Using this prompt requires bravery. It is hard to look at truths. However, I suggest you don’t skip it because it can really benefit you.

For more monthly prompts like these subscribe to my newsletter.

Restorative writing
Categories
heart and soul Journaling News

3 Reasons Why Everybody Should Attend a Therapeutic Writing Retreat.

Therapeutic writing retreat

Last Friday, 9 women gathered in lovely Stroud NSW for the first ever ‘Write To Rise’ Therapeutic Writing Retreat. These women all came for varied reasons and left with something unexpected. As they worked both together and alone, they discovered the power of honest expressive writing and the clarity and life enhancement it brings.

‘Write to Rise’ is a program I wrote to not only introduce others to therapeutic writing but to showcase the role narrative plays in our lives. The takeaway, ‘to restore we must re-story’, how to do that is where the writing comes in. As I reflect on this day, for the purpose of both celebrating it and improving the program, I can see great reward in a retreat of this nature. Here are three reasons why I think everyone should consider attending a therapeutic writing retreat. 

Write To Rise Therapeutic Day Retreat
  • To step out of routine and reflect on life.

Most of us live full lives. Busting out of the daily 9-5 and taking time to reflect on what is working or not working, as well as focusing on the emotional or psychological blocks that prevent us from processing pain, fulfilling our potential, and finding the fulfillment we seek, is worth upsetting the routine.  As we write, prompted by points of view, questions, quotes or the sensory details we find in nature, we start to see patterns, and the steps we could take to move forward. Re-reading, reflecting and analyzing our work is an important step in therapeutic writing. Having time to do this makes retreating extremely valuable. 

  • To learn skills that will improve life and foster well being. Therapeutic writing is directed. It usually starts  with a prompt or exercise. Certain techniques foster certain outcomes. It is writing based around healing, development and growth and seeks to highlight what can be found in the moment as well as how to move forward. It is more purposeful than simply keeping a diary or dumping your stress, anger and anxiety onto the page. It is a way to practice self compassion, foster gratitude, solve problems, build strategy, nurture mind and spirit, enhance creativity and imagination, record  dreams and of course, process pain and loss. Retreating for me is not only  about leaving with a fuzzy feeling in your chest, but also with tools to take home and use when needed. 
  • To make new connections and foster bonds.

Retreating gathers like-minded people. There is nothing like coming together with those interested in similar things, and walking through similar seasons. In the case of this writing retreat, (‘Write to Rise’)  all that gathered were processing hard things, keen to discover how to heal and the role that writing could take in that journey. There were tears, and by the end of the day, exhaustion. However, there were also multiple ‘aha’ moments and the discovery of truths (no matter how painfully liberating that may be). We wrote in musical silence, had some laughs over lunch, engaged in discussion and deep conversation. Some car pooled with friends, others bravely ventured on their own, but all had a seat in the open circle. How sweet it is to retreat with those who are committed to connection and consideration. 

Already I have had numerous people say that they would love to come to the next retreat (whenever that may be). That makes me extremely excited not only because I love coaching people and showing  how to use writing to heal and rise, but also because I believe in reflection, connection and the joy found in writing your own wild and beautiful story. 

For news on upcoming retreats and to receive monthly progressive writing prompts sign up here. 

Categories
heart and soul Poetry

5 comforting poems for the bereaved.

5 comforting poems for the bereaved

Poetry at best is a pomatum, prayer or protest. For me, the healing quality of the right words at the right time, has been the most restorative thing in my life. 

And so, with no need for a long intro, here are 5 poems that can be used as a light and liniment in times of sorrow. 

Death Is Nothing At All
Henry Scott-Holland

Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.

Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.

All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
5 comforting poem for the bereaved.
Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep
Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
5 comforting poems for the bereaved
Seasons Of Grief
Belinda Stotler 

Shall I wither and fall like an autumn leaf,
From this deep sorrow - from this painful grief?
How can I go on or find a way to be strong?
Will I ever again enjoy life's sweet song?

Sometimes a warm memory sheds light in the dark
And eases the pain like the song of a Meadow Lark.
Then it flits away on silent wings and I'm alone;
Hungering for more of the light it had shone.

Shall grief's bitter cold sadness consume me,
Like a winter storm on the vast angry sea?
How can I fill the void and deep desperate need
To replant my heart with hope's lovely seed?

Then I look at a photo of your playful smiling face
And for a moment I escape to a serene happy place;
Remembering the laughter and all you would do,
Cherishing the honest, caring, loving spirit of you.

Shall spring's cheerful flowers bring life anew
And allow me to forget the agony of missing you?
Will spring's burst of new life bring fresh hope
And teach my grieving soul how to cope?

Sometimes I'll read a treasured card you had given me
And each word's special meaning makes me see,
The precious gift of love I was fortunate to receive,
And I realize you'd never want to see me grieve.

Shall summer's warm brilliant sun bring new light,
And free my anguished mind of its terrible plight?
Will its gentle breezes chase grief's dark clouds away,
And show me a clear path towards a better day?

When I visit the grave where you lie in eternal peace,
I know that death and heaven brought you release;
I try to envision your joy on that shore across the sea,
And, until I join you, that'll have to be enough for me.

For all the remaining seasons of my life on earth,
There'll be days I'll miss your merriment and mirth,
And sometimes I'll sadly long for all the yesterdays;
Missing our chats and your gentle understanding ways.

Yet, the lessons of kindness and love you taught me,
And the good things in life you've helped me to see;
Linger as lasting gifts that comfort and will sustain,
Until I journey to that peaceful shore and see you again.

The healing Facts

Lauren Lott.

I know it seems impossible
But we can hold in our hearts
Peace and pain together.

We can feel the rain of sorrow
While wrapped in sheets of calm.

We can grace the depths of grief
Linked with relief, arm in arm.

We can ache while arching backward
Bathed in soothing sun.

We can feel the light in darkest night
And hope when death has come.

When Great Trees Fall
Maya Angelou

When great trees fall,
rocks on distant hills shudder,
lions hunker down
in tall grasses,
and even elephants
lumber after safety.

When great trees fall
in forests,
small things recoil into silence,
their senses
eroded beyond fear.

When great souls die,
the air around us becomes
light, rare, sterile.
We breathe, briefly.
Our eyes, briefly,
see with
a hurtful clarity.
Our memory, suddenly sharpened,
examines,
gnaws on kind words
unsaid,

promised walks
never taken.

Great souls die and
our reality, bound to
them, takes leave of us.
Our souls,
dependent upon their
nurture,
now shrink, wizened.
Our minds, formed
and informed by their
radiance,
fall away.
We are not so much maddened
as reduced to the unutterable ignorance
of dark, cold
caves.

And when great souls die,
after a period peace blooms,
slowly and always
irregularly. Spaces fill
with a kind of soothing electric vibration.
Our senses, restored, never
to be the same, whisper to us.
They existed. They existed.
We can be. Be and be
better. For they existed.

For poetry and writing prompts to process pain and loss take a look at ‘The Remains of Burning’ Therapeutic journal.

Comforting poems

Categories
heart and soul Journaling

How to find the wisdom you need.

Transform wounds into wisdom

From time to time we all need a little guidance. Seeking the wisdom you need from those who have experienced what you are going through and have  demonstrated sound judgement is invaluable. You may have a mentor, a mother or father figure you go to when you are stuck and  in need of some life advice. You may regard the words and instruction of Plato, Rumi, Thoreau, Aurelius, or Solomon.  You may turn to the pages of a religious text such as the Quran or the Tanakh. 

But have you considered mining the truths that hide inside your own heart? 

How to find the wisdom you need.

I often say, ‘the most life changing words you’ll ever read are your own.’ This statement can be misunderstood if left unexplained. And so, let me clarify. 

When we write about anything with authenticity, we are able to read our own true thoughts and feelings. Knowing what we really think and feel allows us to be emotionally aware of what we need and want, don’t need and don’t want. We can also discover negative thought patterns that cause unnecessary emotional suffering or simply prevent us from growth. This is powerful because it is only when we identify negative thoughts, that we can change them.

Wisdom is truth applied. To gain clarity and find direction, we must first understand what is going on in the heart and mind; we must seek to pinpoint the lies we have adopted as truth. Distinguishing between what is true and what is a lie may seem tricky, however, it is less difficult once it is understood  that lying is an act of fear and truth is always grounded in love. 

Poet David Whyte says, ‘One of the great disciplines of life is having the ability to ask beautiful questions. Beautiful questions cultivate a beautiful mind.’ 

Once you have written down your thoughts and feelings and identified the truth from lies, you can take what is on your page and let it lead you to ask a beautiful question. Beautiful questions are those that always elicit beautiful answers. They lead to wisdom, peace and exciting possibility. 

For example, consider one who wrote ‘I feel rejected’. One may be tempted to spend time trying to figure out if this feeling is true or false, however, the question, ‘Have I been rejected?’ holds within it the possibility of more pain and lacks empowerment.

In this case, a beautiful and better question would be, ‘Now that this door has been closed in front of me, what possibilities can I see?’ If the answer is ‘I see no possibilities.’ This is a good indication that one is in need of processing grief. Although this answer does not seem very beautiful, it does provide insight and direction, which leads to a beautiful outcome. 

Quote, ‘Where there is love there is life.’ Gandhi

Often when people are unsure of what to do next, whether they should go right or left, they take out a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons; the good and bad things that will come from their decision. Although this can be helpful, I suggest you go a little deeper.

Good and bad can be situational; dependent on one’s circumstance. However, this can not be said of love and fear. Instead of listing pros and cons, list the things that align with a loving intention and the things you are afraid of. This is helpful because wisdom, truth, goodness are all branches of the same tree. The love tree. Wise words are found by lime-lighting truth which is always grounded in love.

So to recap.

Wisdom can be found through first journaling authentic thoughts and emotions. Next, pinpoint possible negative thought patterns and lies that are disguised  as truths.  Allow what is discovered on the page to lead you to ask a beautiful question that will yield beautiful answers and outcomes. To take it a step further, make a list based on love and fear. Use this list to help you identify what is wise, truthful and loving. 

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heart and soul life lessons

5 expansive thoughts to lift your life.

A wrote a micro poem last year. It’s called ‘the memoir of stars.’ It goes like this.

‘Tell the story that makes you glow, freedom is in the mind you know.’

I scribbled it down after reflecting on a time that I had lost my glow. You know what I mean when I say ‘glow”? It’s hard to explain, but I guess you could say that it is a radiance that comes as a result of being free. 

Although there were certain pain points in my life at the time, the loss of glow wasn’t because of my circumstances. Jadedness dawns in the mind. My lack of enthusiasm began with constrained thinking. Thoughts like, ‘Things will never change.’ ‘I am inadequate.’ ‘Life is not fair’.

Things became, well, a bit tedious. Hoping for more seemed selfish, yet what I had was clearly  being unutilized. What I needed was a new way of perceiving what is possible. Instead of entertaining doldrums, I needed to tell myself a different narrative; to enter the world through a different door. 

Expansive thinking moves us beyond ourselves and allows us to enter the realm of possibility. It is a marriage between the real and imagined. There are a fistful of thoughts that bring what’s possibly good, true and beautiful to the forefront. Meditating on them increases joy and wonderment. Believing these thoughts will cultivate a new sense of freedom in your life.

Expansive Thoughts to life your life.

1. I don’t always get what I want, but I have what I need. 

This thought helps me to pull my focus from what I do not have. When lack is loud. When shortcomings shout. When loss is illuminated from every angle of the mind, this thought provides space to breathe by moving the focus from what is perceived to be missing, to what is presently good. When I think, ‘I don’t have a million dollars’, concentrating on need says, ‘Oh, but look, I have shoes.’ Opportunity to grow and gain the things I want will come when I make the best of what I have.

2. The world is beautiful.

It’s easy to get caught up in all the noise, to be entangled by bad news, the horror of tragedy and the faff of gossip. Yes, the world needs our love, our fight and our focus.  However, believing that the world is beautiful helps to hold off fear and to appreciate being here. Instead of saying to yourself, ‘it’s dog eat dog’ or ‘nothing ever goes my way’, look at the brilliance that is your life, the miracle of your existence and allow the creativity of the natural world to inspire. 

3. Every end is a beginning.

Straight up, this thought doesn’t make moving on easy. It stings if said too soon; it is an agony if contemplated before the grieving process is fully engaged. But after years, or when the clouds have cleared, these are the words that put to rest real disappointment and regret. This thought allows imagination to take flight, and prompts us to remember that there is a story after the story; a party after the show. And after every ending, there is something new.

4. I am not my feelings.

On days when I feel overcome with emotion. When I am overwhelmed with feeling underwhelmed. When I sense inner tension, feel trapped or slightly terrified, it’s helpful to  know that my emotions do not prove who I am. They are neither good nor bad and only exist to be felt and processed. They are separate from spirit (the real me). This thought cuts me free from beliefs such as, ‘to feel good, is to be  good’. Or ‘to feel beautiful, is to be beautiful. Or ‘to feel worthy, is to be worthy’. 

5. I am guided by love.

Easily mistaken from being a little woo woo, there is no doubt, this thought has been the most freeing of all. Believing I am loved, that I can align with love and that loving others is really the reason I am here has certainly liberated me. Love is life-affirming. To give and receive it is a source of satisfaction. When my glow starts to fade, love turns up all the lights. Sure, hard things, bad things, sad things are possible, but love always always always leads me on. 

(‘The memoir of stars’ is from ‘A Strong and Fragile Thing‘, musings in reflection of the wisdom and wonder found in the natural world. Available from Amazon and bookstores world wide.)

Categories
heart and soul life lessons

How to have an ‘at home soul retreat’.

soul retreat

Recently I found myself yearning for rest. However, March for me is the month when things start to ramp up and getting away is harder than ever. How does one switch off when the season demands one to switch it up a notch?  

For me, the answer is to schedule an ‘at home soul retreat’. With a little planning, refreshment can be found right where I live, because retreating is not about time (how long) or place (whereabouts) it is about intention.

Now, I know everyone’s living situation is different. For some, home is an unsettling place. If you are caring for someone with high needs or live in shared housing, I acknowledge, it’s complicated, and finding space is extra difficult. Not being in your position, I don’t have all the answers, only a few suggestions that could work if you mould them to your own circumstances. 

I know sometimes, retreating doesn’t seem worth the hassle; for those who have considerable responsibilities withdrawing takes work. Don’t let the planning needed to retreat discourage you from it. If there is one thing I have learnt this side of my own ‘at home soul retreat’ it is that it is thoroughly worthwhile.

So, what is a soul retreat? Seems a stupid question, as the answer is in the name, but the word ‘soul’, being a little mysterious, probability needs to be explained. Defining the soul is difficult and it seems every second charlie has a different definition for the soul, so let me clarify what I mean. When I say soul, I am referring to the mind, the will and the emotions. A soul retreat is simply finding space to clear the mind, rest the will and process emotions; it’s about nourishing the inner-self.

Once I have decided when I will begin and how long my retreat will last (it could be hours, days or weeks), I prepare by considering what I expect from retreating ahead of time. Much like I would pack my bag for a get away, I gather all I need for my retreat beforehand. This might include deciding on some reading material, creating a relaxing playlist, planning what nature walks I want to do, booking a massage or preparing meals so I don’t have to think about cooking. 

For me, learning to retreat without leaving home has helped me to consistently show up and fulfil commitments. I do this by using free-time in a way that is intentionally geared towards soul health. I also shuffle my work and responsibilities into three working days, leaving two days (in school hours) to retreat from time to time. I could not do this every week, nor is there a need to as retreating every six to eight weeks works for me.

Essentially a soul retreat is about following the soul and giving it what it needs. Your soul retreat will be as unique as you are. For me, a soul retreat involves deep thinking, journaling, reading, napping, being exposed to beauty and creativity, walks by the water, and time spent in stillness. You can include whatever makes you feel alive; from base jumping to baking, it’s up to you. However, it’s important to remember that a soul retreat isn’t just about having a good time; it’s about affirming positive thought, processing painful emotion, and allowing yourself space to dream a little. 

Normally I do not feel the benefits of retreating straight away, in fact, retreating can feel exhaustingly wasteful. However, about 5 days after I’ve retreated, I experience an  increase in focus and  creative energy. This I’m sure, will be different for you, as we all seem to respond to rest and refuel differently. 

The purpose of a soul retreat is to nourish the soul. This is important because neglect at a soul level affects not only our health but also our relationships, our overall well being and outlook on life. If you are weary, lack creative clout, feel jaded, or overwhelmed by a never ending cycle of busyness, a soul retreat may be what you need. There are curiosities to chase, dreams to journal, healing to heed, hope to surrender to, if only you’d stop for a moment to mine the soul. 

Retreat