Category: life lessons

Life Lessons

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heart and soul life lessons Poetry

Begin with wonder: The Art of Starting the Year in Awe.

Starting the year in awe

Embracing the Beauty of Early Mornings

There’s something amazing about early mornings. Imagine this: It’s only 7 AM, and already your eyes are wide with bright luminous colour as you take in multiple rainbows that span the sky. When I wrote these lines, I wasn’t just referring to the beauty of the combination of sunrise and rain but also about the possibilities that each new day holds.

Early mornings have long been my favourite time of the day. I love the cool, crisp air, and the gentle hues that paint the sky. I love the quiet before the day’s hustle. – a moment of peace and potential. For me, it is a time for reflection, for setting intentions, and for appreciating the simple beauty that brims in my front garden.

Learning from ‘Phosphorescence’ by Julia Baird

I’ve just finished reading “Phosphorescence,” by Julia Baird. In this book she talks about finding awe and wonder in the natural world. She delves into how awe can help us lead happier, more fulfilling lives. This message aligns perfectly with the sentiment of my short poem. Baird encourages us to find our “phosphorescence,” those moments or things that light us up from within.

Starting the year in awe is about intentionally seeking moments of wonder in the everyday – a stunning sunrise, the tranquility of a quiet morning, or the simple act of watching the world wake up. These experiences ground us, reminding us of the beauty and wonder that exist in the world, even amidst chaos and routine.

The Power of Awe in Daily Life

Awe isn’t just a pleasant feeling; it’s a powerful tool. Studies have shown that experiencing awe can lead to increased happiness, decreased stress, and even a more profound sense of connection to others and the world around us. When we start our year (and each day) seeking out awe, we set ourselves up for a more positive and connected life.

This approach to life is about slowing down, being present  and appreciating the world in its full splendour. When we pause to observe the beauty around us, we’re not just seeing it; we’re feeling it, and it becomes a part of us. This practice can transform our outlook on life, making us more grateful, more compassionate, and more attuned to the beauty in others.

Making Awe a Daily Habit

So, how do we make this a part of our daily lives? It starts with intention. Wake up a little earlier and take a moment to watch the sunrise. Spend a few minutes in silence, sipping your morning coffee, and just being. As you go about your day, look closer – the way the light filters through the trees, the sound of laughter, a bird on a wire. 

Mary Oliver wrote, “Instructions for Living a Life. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.” When I read this short yet stirring quote, I decided to put Mary’s advice to work.  The process – paying attention, observing life’s nuances and subtleties. In this attentiveness, astonishment naturally blooms, awakening me to the wisdom and wonder found in the natural world. The result – my second collection ‘A Strong and Fragile thing’. 

A Year of Wonder Awaits

Starting the new year in awe isn’t just about enjoying the beauty around us. It’s about finding joy and meaning in the small things and connecting more deeply with the world and people around us. As you step into this new year, remember my poem, Mary Oliver’s words and Baird’s insights. Be inspired to look for wonder, awe, and phosphorescence. Here’s to a year of consuming rainbows, not just at 7 AM, but at any time we are still enough to notice. 

The poem featured in this post is part of a collection called ‘A Strong and Fragile Thing’, musings in reflection of the wisdom and wonder found in the natural world. It is available from bookstores worldwide.

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heart and soul life lessons

A Year in Review: The Best of My Blog in 2023.

My Blog in 2023

Before the year ends, I thought it would be fitting to reflect on the best of my blog in 2023. This year has been full of unexpected turns and there has been a need for patience and deep trust. It has also been a year, unlike the last 5, where I can see a definite progression in my life.  

And so, friends, here are the top five blog posts that captured both your attention and the essence of 2023.

1. Allow and Align: The Power of Letting Go and Being in Flow

In a world that often urges us to control every aspect of our lives, “Allow and Align” emerged as a mantra for navigating the unpredictability of 2023.

 In June we were told that we had six weeks to find a new place. It was the 4th move in 5 years and at the time our state was in the middle of a rental crisis. Lots of renters, limited amount of rentals. (Not to mention the souring rental prices.)

For a number of weeks we had no idea where we were going to live. There was nothing available in our area and when a house did come up for rent it was unsuitable for raising three teens. This predicament caused  me great discomfort, disappointment and stress. I needed to find my peace. I needed to find a way to let go of outcomes and embrace the flow of life. 

And so, through reading, journaling and contemplation I discovered 5 things that helped me to manage my inner world and accept my circumstances, giving way to whatever came next. They include: Practising being present and fully engaged in the moment. Trusting the process. Following peace. Letting go of attachments. And retreating.

You can read about how these things transformed my perspective and helped me to not only cope with the situation, but enjoy it, here. 

2.Four Reasons You Are More Creative Than You Think

In this blog post, we explored the idea that creativity is not exclusive to artists or innovators. “Four Reasons You Are More Creative Than You Think” celebrates the inherent creativity within each of us and offers insights into nurturing and expressing it.

After posting this one, many of you told me that you no longer perceive yourself as uncreative. This feedback was a delight for me. If there is anything I would tell my 10-year-old self-it’s that your creativity is to be fully embraced. 

From reframing failures as opportunities to embracing curiosity, this post is all about unlocking your creative potential. It highlights the fact that we are always problem solving, connecting seemingly unrelated things, learning and perceiving the world from our own unique perspective. 

If you feel It’s time to recognize the ways in which you are already creative, start to tap into that potential and develop your skills even further, click here to read more. 

3. Healing Words: How Writing Poetry Can Help You Find Meaning

Words have the power to heal, and this post emphasises the therapeutic benefits of writing. It delves into the cathartic nature of putting emotions into words and unravels the healing potential embedded in the lines of a poem.

Personally, poetry has also been a valuable tool for healing. It has helped me to process my feelings, find meaning in my experiences, and move forward in a positive way. Unlike other forms of writing, such as journaling or free writing, poetry requires I pay close attention to language and form. This helps me to articulate my feelings or experiences in a clear and concise way. 

I wrote this one because I wanted to encourage readers to pick up a pen and explore the profound connection between writing and finding meaning in life. You don’t need to be good with words. Even a short piece, just a couple of sentences, can help bring clarity and relief for pain and distress.

To delve a little deeper and discover tips on how you can use writing poetry as a tool for finding meaning click here. 

4. Exploring the Struggle to Articulate Inner Turmoil

At times, I have struggled to articulate inner turmoil. For me, this became a barrier to understanding and growth. When words don’t work, we often find other ways to express our pain. If it’s creative, this can lead to positive outcomes, however, sometimes the inability to say how we feel can lead to destructive expressions that cause others and ourselves increased pain.

 “Exploring the Struggle to Articulate Inner Turmoil” confronts this challenge head-on, offering a raw and authentic look at the difficulties we can have in expressing complex emotions. In this post, I unpack the weight of what can not be said, the limitations of language, our need to explore expression and embrace the mystery and complexity of our experiences.

If you need a little insight on how to navigate unspeakable experiences, you’re not alone. Click here to read more about my struggle to articulate inner turmoil.

5. Creating Something New: Expectations vs. Reality

Creation often comes with a set of expectations. In “Creating Something New: Expectations vs. Reality” I address the balance that is needed between creative aspirations and the reality of the creative process. 

This blog post highlights the common pitfalls of creative expectations and provides tips for embracing the authentic, sometimes messy, journey of bringing ideas to life.

I have learnt that although my expectations are never met, and what I create hardly ever resembles exactly the idea I had of it in my head, creativity pays off.  I have also learnt that every new thing I put out into the world requires long-term vision, perseverance, and a willingness to let others make it their own. 

The purpose of this post is to illustrate that although bringing something new into the world is often a complex, emotionally taxing, non-linier collaboration, it is totally, completely, utterly worth it, and you should definitely, absolutely, one hundred percent do it! Read more here.

And so friends, that’s a wrap. Thank you for turning up. Thank you for giving my little corner of the internet a few of your highly prized moments this year. Thank you for engaging, commenting, messaging, and adding richness to my life. 

In 2024, I am focusing on the themes within my books, unpacking my poetry and hopefully leaving you with words that build you up and make you feel like the absolute miracle that you are.

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heart and soul life lessons

The Healing Power of Humility: Why Being Broken Can Be a Blessing

The healing power of humility

In a society that often glorifies strength and success, the concept of embracing brokenness and humility may seem counterintuitive. However, there is a profound healing power in humbling experiences that can transform our lives for the better. Rather than seeing brokenness as a bad thing, we can view it as a blessing—a pathway to self-discovery, growth, and healing. 

Embracing Vulnerability 

When we are broken, either by the pain we cause or the pain projected on us by others,  we become vulnerable, and vulnerability opens the door to profound personal growth. Admitting our flaws and acknowledging our limitations allows us to connect with others on a deeper level. By embracing vulnerability, we create authentic and meaningful connections that are built on empathy, compassion, and understanding. This genuine connection with others fosters a sense of belonging and provides a fertile ground for healing.

Letting Go of Ego 

Being broken strips away our pride and ego, revealing our true selves beneath the facade. Humility compels us to let go of our attachment to success, recognition, and external validation. In the absence of ego, we can focus on inner transformation and self-improvement. By releasing the need to control or manipulate outcomes, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and allow the healing process to unfold naturally.

Cultivating Empathy

When we experience brokenness, we develop a deeper sense of empathy and compassion towards others who are suffering. Our own pain becomes a bridge that connects us to the pain of others, enabling us to provide genuine support and understanding. Through this newfound empathy, we learn the importance of kindness, forgiveness, and acceptance. In turn, the act of extending compassion to others contributes to our own healing, creating a positive feedback loop of growth and resilience.

Seeking Help and Support 

Being broken teaches us the value of seeking help and support from others. We come to realize that we cannot navigate life’s challenges alone, and reaching out for assistance is not a sign of weakness but a display of strength and self-awareness. Humility enables us to recognize that we can learn from the wisdom and experiences of others, and their support becomes a vital component of our healing journey.

Rediscovering Inner Strength

In the process of being broken, we often unearth a wellspring of inner strength that we never knew existed. Adversity has a way of revealing our resilience, determination, and capacity for growth. By embracing humility, we tap into our inner resources and discover the courage to rebuild our lives. We emerge from brokenness with a renewed sense of purpose, empowered by the knowledge that we have overcome challenges and can face future obstacles with resilience and grace.

Being broken is not a permanent state of despair; rather, it can be a transformative experience. Yes, the process can take us to an intensely painful place, but we must recognise that that same process does not destroy us, in fact, it builds us. So, let us view brokenness as a blessing— a bleeding, beaten up, soul battered blessing that beautifies us the way nothing else can.

For poetry that walks through the process of being broken, from the moment your flame is snatched right through to when grief fold into gratfulness, take a look at ‘The Remains of Burning‘ available from bookstores worldwide.

poetry book

 

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heart and soul life lessons

Discovering your power: 4 ways to overcome feeling cornered.

feeling cornered

My guess is that you’re here because you’re hurting. You may have come across the title of this blog and thought to yourself, “Yes, that resonates with me. I’m struggling with feeling powerless to rectify an unjust situation.”

Perhaps someone has taken something from you and is refusing to return it, or maybe you were promised something that was never fulfilled, leaving you feeling manipulated.  Maybe you have been bullied, isolated, pushed out, cut off by people you were loyal to. 

When we find ourselves backed into a corner, we feel like we’re under attack, trapped, and being subjected to abusive treatment. We search for a means of escape, a way to claim what is rightfully ours, and a method to overpower those who are leveraging their power against us.

We push back, but nothing changes. We attempt to appeal to people’s humanity through kind words, but to no avail. Despite our best efforts, the circumstances persist, and we have no option but to accept that hearts turn, promises break and life is sometimes unfair.

At times like these it’s important to know although we feel powerless, we are not. Sure, we may not be able to change the situation, but we still have power. We have the power of agency, the power of resilience, the power of community, and the power of hope. 

feeling cornered

The Power of Agency

We have agency. We have the ability to make choices and take actions that can shape our lives and the lives of those around us. Even in situations where we feel trapped or restricted, we still have the power to choose how we respond to our circumstances. We have power over our mind and can decide what thoughts we allow to govern our emotions. 

It’s easy to become fixated on a single opportunity that’s unavailable to us when a door has been closed, and we’re unable to attain what we desire. This fixation can prevent us from recognizing the abundance of other possibilities available to us. We can choose to approach a challenge with a growth mindset, seeking out opportunities for learning and growth. 

The Power of Resilience

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from difficult experiences and to adapt to change. When we face setbacks or obstacles, we can draw on our resilience to keep moving forward, to keep trying, and to keep believing that things will improve.

Building resilience requires developing coping skills, learning from past experiences, and building a strong support system. It is a key factor in achieving personal and professional success, as it allows individuals to adapt and thrive in the face of change and uncertainty.

The Power of Community

As social beings, our well-being is enhanced by having meaningful connections with others. In times of distress, we often seek out allies to advocate for us. However, it can be deeply distressing when those we rely on to speak up for us remain silent, leaving us feeling unsupported and mistreated.

Experiencing such a situation can lead to feelings of mistrust and a desire to withdraw from social interactions. However, it’s crucial to recognize that with billions of people on this planet, there’s a high likelihood of finding someone who can empathize and offer support if given the chance.

Whether it’s through our family, friends, or broader social networks, we can draw on the strength of community to help us overcome challenges.

The Power of Hope

Hope helps us to envision a better future. Even in the darkest of times, hope can sustain us and motivate us.  When we hold onto hope, we open ourselves up to possibilities and opportunities that we may not have otherwise considered.

Hope says, ‘I know you’re hurting, I know this situation is unfair, though there seems to be no way you will come through this.’

*Sometimes we are pushed into corners so we will learn to break down walls.
-a pathway no-one knew was there.

*poem by Lauren Lott from ‘The Remains of Burning.‘

Poetry Books
Categories
Creativity life lessons

Creating something new: expectations vs reality.

creating something new

Creating something new can be an exciting and daunting task.  The idea of bringing something unique and innovative to the world is often filled with expectations of success and satisfaction. However, the reality of creating something new can be vastly different from what we envision. 

Nothing I have ever created has turned out exactly like I planned. Whether it be a book, journal, blog post or writing retreat, all emerge into the world unlike how they start in my head. Not only does the end result look different, but the process, how they form and develop, always takes an unexpected route. Let me elaborate by sharing with you an expectation followed by the reality of what really went down. 

creating something new.

Expectation: Creating something new is straightforward.

Reality: Creating something new is often complex and  requires time, education, and resources. 

For me, every journey to creation is filled with setbacks, failures, and uncertainties. Initial ideas change and evolve over time. I have to be willing to experiment, learn from mistakes, adapt to new information and risk appearing like an absolute fool.

Expectation: Creating something new will result in immediate success and recognition.

Reality: Creating something new does not guarantee success or recognition. 

Every time I create something new, the response to it is gradual. I have learnt that success is determined by timing, market demand, competition, and luck. Every new thing I put out into the world requires me to have a long-term vision, perseverance, and a willingness to let others make it their own. 

Expectation: Creating something new will bring immense satisfaction and fulfillment.

Reality: Creating new things can be emotionally taxing and challenging. It’s common for creators to experience self-doubt, anxiety, and stress during the process of bringing their creation to life. 

During the creation process, I regularly feel pressure to meet personal expectations and external standards. I need to find a balance between passion and detachment, so I can passionately invest in what I am creating but not be defined by it. I experience creative block, crippling procrastination, dissatisfaction and frustration in my work. 

Expectation: Creating something new is a solo endeavor.

Reality: Creating something new often requires collaboration and support from others. 

Along the way I always seek feedback, advice, and guidance from trusted sources. I need to establish small teams with diverse perspectives, skills, and resources. Every book needs an editor, every journal needs cover design, every retreat needs supporters to help gather and serve those who attend, every blog post needs to be researched by reading the words of experts.  In reality, nothing I have created would be here without others. 

Expectation: Creating something new is a linear process.

Reality: Creating something new is a nonlinear and dynamic process. 

There are twists and there are turns. I navigate uncertainty and ambiguity. I pivot, adjust my approach and continually tell myself ‘Be flexible Loz, flow with it’ until my ridged little fingers learnt to let go and trust.  

And so it is with anyone who creates something new. It is a complex, emotionally taxing, non-linier collaboration. But boy oh boy is it worth it!

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life lessons News

3 things to remember when starting again.

starting over

I started out like I always do, with a title, a theme, book sections and a mental picture of the cover art. I wrote 34 poems in 3 weeks led by some kind of creative surge until it stopped. No more flow. I tried reading to regain it, thinking that absorbing the writings of poets would put magic in my pen. Nothing. Not a  sentence worth the paper it was written on. My bright idea, dim. 

But how could I be shocked? Ideas are for building cities, organising people, fixing broken things. Ideas don’t write poetry. I was trying to pull poetry out of my head when poetry has to be heart led. 

And so, I had to start again. File away 34 poems and open a new page. Scrap the title. Narrow down the theme. Forget about layout and design. And then walk beaches. Watch for storms. Water my peace lily until movement alchemized into energy within.

What I’m trying to say is, the book I said I was writing is dead. And if I keep trying to revive it my will to write will die too. It was too heady, too opinionated (gross), all goose, no bumps. I’m going to try again.

starting again

Starting over is worth it, not a waste; it is what makes the process interesting. It is the way, the real plan A, and it is needed to prevent us from betraying ourselves. It’s a chance to do things better, experience something different, clean out the clutter and recreate. 

If you sense the need to start over, remember these three. 

1. Make peace with reality.

I must have tried to save my project a dozen times. I looked at the thin manuscript  and thought of all the mornings I rose to write. I wanted my efforts to be more than warm up exercises. That’s ok, because that’s what some humans do. That’s what I always do. Hope against hope. Hold on way too long. 

Making peace with reality is hard, however, once I accepted that what I wrote was not right, then I could believe that writing something better was possible. Letting go is empowering. It proves trust. 

2.Trust.

Trust what? Trust who? Well I guess, it’s about trusting that what you sense is true. 

There is a saying, ‘you must let go of the old to grab hold of the new’,’ which feels like a trick if ever you’ve been betrayed, but it is actually completely logical. There is no other way to take something into your hand other than to loosen your grip on what you already hold. Opening up takes trust and practice. Trust in every word and act of love. Practice exposing your palm in wait for what is better.

3. Engage with the ‘over again’

It’s important to realise that starting over may be something you’ll have to engage in several times. This too is ok. Try and then try again, tweaking things as you go, inching towards what you see with the eyes of your heart. Sometimes I write pages and only keep a line or a word. Other times I change little and only editing is needed. Starting over, whether it be a poem or a poetry book, a facet of life or life entirely is normal. Challenging, but normal. Unsettling, but normal. Necessary, but normal and totally fine.

Want to stay up to date with my progress in bringing the next book baby into the world? For first looks and behind the scenes sneaky peeks sign up to my community newsletter.

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heart and soul life lessons

5 expansive thoughts to lift your life.

A wrote a micro poem last year. It’s called ‘the memoir of stars.’ It goes like this.

‘Tell the story that makes you glow, freedom is in the mind you know.’

I scribbled it down after reflecting on a time that I had lost my glow. You know what I mean when I say ‘glow”? It’s hard to explain, but I guess you could say that it is a radiance that comes as a result of being free. 

Although there were certain pain points in my life at the time, the loss of glow wasn’t because of my circumstances. Jadedness dawns in the mind. My lack of enthusiasm began with constrained thinking. Thoughts like, ‘Things will never change.’ ‘I am inadequate.’ ‘Life is not fair’.

Things became, well, a bit tedious. Hoping for more seemed selfish, yet what I had was clearly  being unutilized. What I needed was a new way of perceiving what is possible. Instead of entertaining doldrums, I needed to tell myself a different narrative; to enter the world through a different door. 

Expansive thinking moves us beyond ourselves and allows us to enter the realm of possibility. It is a marriage between the real and imagined. There are a fistful of thoughts that bring what’s possibly good, true and beautiful to the forefront. Meditating on them increases joy and wonderment. Believing these thoughts will cultivate a new sense of freedom in your life.

Expansive Thoughts to life your life.

1. I don’t always get what I want, but I have what I need. 

This thought helps me to pull my focus from what I do not have. When lack is loud. When shortcomings shout. When loss is illuminated from every angle of the mind, this thought provides space to breathe by moving the focus from what is perceived to be missing, to what is presently good. When I think, ‘I don’t have a million dollars’, concentrating on need says, ‘Oh, but look, I have shoes.’ Opportunity to grow and gain the things I want will come when I make the best of what I have.

2. The world is beautiful.

It’s easy to get caught up in all the noise, to be entangled by bad news, the horror of tragedy and the faff of gossip. Yes, the world needs our love, our fight and our focus.  However, believing that the world is beautiful helps to hold off fear and to appreciate being here. Instead of saying to yourself, ‘it’s dog eat dog’ or ‘nothing ever goes my way’, look at the brilliance that is your life, the miracle of your existence and allow the creativity of the natural world to inspire. 

3. Every end is a beginning.

Straight up, this thought doesn’t make moving on easy. It stings if said too soon; it is an agony if contemplated before the grieving process is fully engaged. But after years, or when the clouds have cleared, these are the words that put to rest real disappointment and regret. This thought allows imagination to take flight, and prompts us to remember that there is a story after the story; a party after the show. And after every ending, there is something new.

4. I am not my feelings.

On days when I feel overcome with emotion. When I am overwhelmed with feeling underwhelmed. When I sense inner tension, feel trapped or slightly terrified, it’s helpful to  know that my emotions do not prove who I am. They are neither good nor bad and only exist to be felt and processed. They are separate from spirit (the real me). This thought cuts me free from beliefs such as, ‘to feel good, is to be  good’. Or ‘to feel beautiful, is to be beautiful. Or ‘to feel worthy, is to be worthy’. 

5. I am guided by love.

Easily mistaken from being a little woo woo, there is no doubt, this thought has been the most freeing of all. Believing I am loved, that I can align with love and that loving others is really the reason I am here has certainly liberated me. Love is life-affirming. To give and receive it is a source of satisfaction. When my glow starts to fade, love turns up all the lights. Sure, hard things, bad things, sad things are possible, but love always always always leads me on. 

(‘The memoir of stars’ is from ‘A Strong and Fragile Thing‘, musings in reflection of the wisdom and wonder found in the natural world. Available from Amazon and bookstores world wide.)

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heart and soul life lessons

How to have an ‘at home soul retreat’.

soul retreat

Recently I found myself yearning for rest. However, March for me is the month when things start to ramp up and getting away is harder than ever. How does one switch off when the season demands one to switch it up a notch?  

For me, the answer is to schedule an ‘at home soul retreat’. With a little planning, refreshment can be found right where I live, because retreating is not about time (how long) or place (whereabouts) it is about intention.

Now, I know everyone’s living situation is different. For some, home is an unsettling place. If you are caring for someone with high needs or live in shared housing, I acknowledge, it’s complicated, and finding space is extra difficult. Not being in your position, I don’t have all the answers, only a few suggestions that could work if you mould them to your own circumstances. 

I know sometimes, retreating doesn’t seem worth the hassle; for those who have considerable responsibilities withdrawing takes work. Don’t let the planning needed to retreat discourage you from it. If there is one thing I have learnt this side of my own ‘at home soul retreat’ it is that it is thoroughly worthwhile.

So, what is a soul retreat? Seems a stupid question, as the answer is in the name, but the word ‘soul’, being a little mysterious, probability needs to be explained. Defining the soul is difficult and it seems every second charlie has a different definition for the soul, so let me clarify what I mean. When I say soul, I am referring to the mind, the will and the emotions. A soul retreat is simply finding space to clear the mind, rest the will and process emotions; it’s about nourishing the inner-self.

Once I have decided when I will begin and how long my retreat will last (it could be hours, days or weeks), I prepare by considering what I expect from retreating ahead of time. Much like I would pack my bag for a get away, I gather all I need for my retreat beforehand. This might include deciding on some reading material, creating a relaxing playlist, planning what nature walks I want to do, booking a massage or preparing meals so I don’t have to think about cooking. 

For me, learning to retreat without leaving home has helped me to consistently show up and fulfil commitments. I do this by using free-time in a way that is intentionally geared towards soul health. I also shuffle my work and responsibilities into three working days, leaving two days (in school hours) to retreat from time to time. I could not do this every week, nor is there a need to as retreating every six to eight weeks works for me.

Essentially a soul retreat is about following the soul and giving it what it needs. Your soul retreat will be as unique as you are. For me, a soul retreat involves deep thinking, journaling, reading, napping, being exposed to beauty and creativity, walks by the water, and time spent in stillness. You can include whatever makes you feel alive; from base jumping to baking, it’s up to you. However, it’s important to remember that a soul retreat isn’t just about having a good time; it’s about affirming positive thought, processing painful emotion, and allowing yourself space to dream a little. 

Normally I do not feel the benefits of retreating straight away, in fact, retreating can feel exhaustingly wasteful. However, about 5 days after I’ve retreated, I experience an  increase in focus and  creative energy. This I’m sure, will be different for you, as we all seem to respond to rest and refuel differently. 

The purpose of a soul retreat is to nourish the soul. This is important because neglect at a soul level affects not only our health but also our relationships, our overall well being and outlook on life. If you are weary, lack creative clout, feel jaded, or overwhelmed by a never ending cycle of busyness, a soul retreat may be what you need. There are curiosities to chase, dreams to journal, healing to heed, hope to surrender to, if only you’d stop for a moment to mine the soul. 

Retreat
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Journaling life lessons

8 ways you can support yourself through pain and loss.

pain and loss

Firstly, let me  say, I am a certified therapeutic writing coach, not a therapist.  As a therapeutic writing coach I am unable to diagnose or work in depth with psychological or emotional health concerns. I focus on helping others improve their lives through the practice of therapeutic writing. The eight ways you can support yourself through pain and loss discussed in this blog post have been curated through study, research and personal experience. 

We often seek to know how we can support those in our lives who are going through hard times. However, learning how to support ourselves is just as important. Care from our loved ones can do wonders, but real progress happens when we show up for ourselves, take time to grieve and do the brave work needed to heal.

Once I realised that I was the one I was waiting for, I felt empowered to create my own healing plan. This looked like extended time spent in nature, journaling, counselling, nurturing my creativity, time with trusted friends, contemplative prayer and reading, water and exercise.

I also became mindful of my surroundings, was careful to not judge my emotions, became selective in who I took advice from, was open to receiving practical help when I needed it and cried a lot.

None of these things provided a quick fix. We all know healing doesn’t work like that. I don’t think I’ll ever be done with the restorative process, simply because we live in an imperfect world. In saying that, it is clear that learning how to support ourselves through pain and loss is vital to become our true best. And it all starts with being present.

Be present.

Although distracting ourselves from pain is tempting, we need to be present to it. This means turning towards it and gradually moving closer, step by step, till eventually we are able to enter into it. The only way to move beyond it, is the walk through it. There is no road around, no tunnel under, no way above – only through. We must feel it, before we can be free of it. 

Cultivate your surroundings.

Our surroundings can assist the healing process. Good surroundings make us feel safe and calm. Beautiful sights, sounds and scents can create spaces that nurture and care for our body, soul and mind. Being intentional about what we watch and listen to is beneficial not only to our mental health but also to our physical and emotional well being. For me, this looks like purposely putting myself in the path of beauty. Propping my camping chair beside the lake and watching the sun go down, filling my house with flowers and plants, listening to orchestral music while walking beachside, and being attentive to the wonders happening in my own garden are all ways I seek to bring more beauty into my life.

Validate your experience.

When processing pain it’s hard not to judge how we feel. This is because we have learnt that certain emotions are bad, and to feel them makes us bad too. While some emotions do have a negative effect on us and those around us, to feel negative emotions is to be human. It is important to know that feeling an emotion and acting upon it are two different things. Whether it is shame, anger, frustration, guilt, resentment, sadness or jealousy it must be felt, noted and validated through nurture and understanding without condemnation. 

Write and reframe your personal narrative.

Journaling has been imperative in my healing journey. Numerous studies have proven the value of therapeutic writing. Research shows it strengthens mental, emotional, and physical health, by reducing stress, regulating emotions, boosting memory and improving overall wellbeing. Writing through pain is a way to not only dump negative emotion but also to reframe personal narrative through observing unhelpful beliefs and lies. For those seeking a guided journaling experience, ‘The Remains of Burning’ poetry and writing prompts to process pain and loss, is a tool I created to assist healing through journaling.

Avoid advice.

Obviously when I say avoid advice, I mean that we can limit the amount of people we give permission to speak into our lives. Accommodating a myriad of opinions about what happened to us, how we should feel and what we can do next can be exhausting. It is wise to shut out some voices and prioritise others. Having a few trusted confidants versus listening to anyone and everyone helps us  to feel safe and prevents the unnecessary triggering of pain.

Ask for help.

Pain and loss do not only have an effect on our physical, emotional and physiological state. They can also change our social connections, relationships, financial circumstances  and future goals. Asking for practical help while you deal with the fall out is okay. Maybe there is someone who can provide child or domestic support. We can support ourselves by asking for what we need.

Seek professional guidance.

Seeing a psychologist, therapist or counsellor is commendable. Although it is important to know the right help may not always be convenient. Finding a professional suited to address your concerns can take some time and adjustment. When it comes to pain and loss, it may be beneficial to seek a therapist and counsellor who  specialises in grief and trauma. The important thing to remember is if the therapist is not the right fit for you it does not mean you are at fault. 

Intentionally increase care and nourishment.

Basically, spoil yourself. Create extra time for the things you like. Buy expensive bath bombs. Go for that massage. Take a nap. Order in food. Do what makes you feel beautiful. Reduce your schedule. Make more room for what you find fun. It is okay to say no to things you once did that you now find stressful. Do not feel guilty for giving yourself the time, attention and support you need.

Categories
Journaling life lessons Therapeutic Writing Prompts

5 Journaling prompts to help find your sweet spot.

sweet spot

In my most recent newsletter I shared that my first journal is just weeks away from being published. I told subscribers that in creating the journal I found my sweet spot: the marriage between what I love to do and helping others.

The sweet spot

In the newsletter I also included a few journal  prompts to help subscribers  find their sweet spot. Today I’d like to unpack these questions. So lean in lovelies, we are about to take a deep dive into the honeyed core of who you are and take a look ( if only a glance) at your very significant purpose.

1. Who are you a tad jealous of?

All my life I’ve been told that jealousy is a sin. What I was not told is that jealousy is a useful way to figure out what is in your heart.  You see, when we are jealous it is for a REASON. Usually we want to succeed in the field another is succeeding in.  Feelings of envy are in essence, nothing more than a sign that says – YOU ARE IN THE VICINITY OF YOUR PURPOSE. Think of it this way, those whom you are jealous of are doing one thing – holding up a mirror. That’s right, jealousy does not have to be about creating idols, being resentful, holding grudges or becoming bitter. Although jealousy, if left to itself, can produce these unpleasant thoughts and emotions, when harnessed, it  becomes an indication of what you want to do with your life.

2. What does a perfect day look like to you?

For many of us the answer to this question would include the people and things we love. However, when I say ‘what does a perfect day look like to you’ I’m talking about rhythm and routine . Is your perfect day fast paced, energy fueled, with your fingers in lots of pies? Maybe your perfect day looks like  being alone with time to focus and produce deep work. Do you like the surety of a fixed schedule or are you better pleased with a day that is flexible and full of variety? Your sweet spot is not just about what you do, but also, the way you do it. 

3. What energises you?

The meaning of the words introvert and extrovert are often mistaken for being associated with personality. In truth, these two words refer to where energy is sourced. Do you gain energy from solace or from interaction? From inward reflection or activity? If you are introverted you will feel refreshed by contemplation and drained by things external to you. If you are extroverted you will feel refueled when you are around people and drained by a lack of interaction. I am introverted. That means time alone revives me. What it does not mean is that I am shy or I don’t like people or I’m fearful of public speaking. In turn, extroverts are not always the life of the party and do not always have a ‘bubbly personality’. Knowing how you are energised will help you find your sweet spot.

4. What kinds of conversations do you lean into?

Imagine you are sitting in a cafe. At the table beside you are two people in deep conversation. You can hear what they are saying. You have two options. Tune them out and focus your attention on something else or lean in and indulge in their exchange. What topic(s) would they be discussing for you to want a seat at their table. What  are you insanely curious about? What are you intrigued by? What do you often find yourself googling? What are you hungry to learn about? The sweet spot is not a place in which we arrive, but a road we journey. Your sweet spot will leave you room to breathe, grow, and become.

5. Who do you empathise with the most?

It’s true that not everyone notices who you notice. Who you see is often largely dependent  on your own experiences. It’s likely that you have wisdom and insight into how to serve certain people because simply put, you’ve been there. So, Who can you relate to? What have you been through that you hope others won’t have to? How can you use the things that have hurt you to help others? Maybe you have a heart for people of a particular race or culture. Maybe the people you wish to help all have the same kinds of struggles or are in a similar season in life. Your sweet spot will be a place of impact, a place of healing, a place that benefits others as well as yourself.

Now it’s your turn, finish these sentences:-

  1. I’m a tad jealous of…
  2. My perfect day looks like…
  3. I am energised by…
  4. I lean into conversations about…
  5. I empathise most with people who…

From here, you are well on your way to figuring out what you want to put out into the world, how you will go about doing it and who it will help the most. Sweet as honey, delicious as pie!

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