Tag: life lessons

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heart and soul

Unlocking Your True Brightness: Steps to Overcome Self-Doubt.

self doubt

We all experience times of uncertainty—those moments when self-doubt shadows our confidence and leads us to question our capabilities, value, or decisions. I’ve experienced paralyzing self doubt, and understand the weight it can carry. 

However, I firmly believe that within each of us is an inherent brilliance, ready to emerge even during periods of self-doubt. Here are some strategies that have aided me in pushing past these doubts to fully embrace who I am. I hope you find them equally empowering.

Acknowledge Your Self-Doubt

First things first, let’s be real about our self-doubt. It’s okay to admit when you’re feeling insecure or unsure. I’ve learned that pushing these feelings away only makes them stronger. Instead, try to name your self-doubt when it shows up. Say to yourself, “I’m feeling unsure right now,” and acknowledge that it’s a normal part of being human. Just naming it can make it feel less powerful.

I also suggest writing those exact words down, as this is a way of spotlighting the emotion. Spotlighting is when we force ourselves to look directly at what we’re feeling, providing a clearer view and understanding of our emotions. This practice can demystify overwhelming feelings and aid in processing them more effectively.

Reframe Negative Thoughts

Self-doubt often comes from negative thoughts that loop in our minds—those “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never be able to do this” thoughts. I’ve found it helpful to gently challenge these thoughts. 

Ask yourself: Is this really true? What evidence do I have that proves this thought wrong? Often, you’ll find that the doubt isn’t based on facts but on fear. Reframing these thoughts into more positive or neutral ones can make a huge difference in how you feel.

Celebrate Small Wins

When self-doubt is running high, it’s easy to overlook our achievements. Start by celebrating the small wins, no matter how tiny they might seem. Did you step out of your comfort zone today? Did you complete a task you’ve been dreading? Give yourself credit for these moments. I’ve found that acknowledging even the smallest successes builds confidence over time and slowly pushes self-doubt to the side. 

Just as one might compile a gratitude list to foster a sense of thankfulness, consider creating a list of small wins for five consecutive days, emphasising every achievement, no matter how small. This practice helps to build a positive mindset by recognising and celebrating each step forward.

Surround Yourself with Support

Self-doubt thrives in isolation. When I feel unsure of myself, reaching out to supportive friends, family, or mentors makes a world of difference. Find those people who believe in you and lift you up. Sometimes, just talking about what you’re feeling with someone who understands can make that self-doubt shrink to a manageable size.

If you don’t have anyone in your life who fits this description, consider seeking a mentor from afar. There are many individuals whose coaching and mentoring might be accessible to you through their books, online courses, or videos, even if you never meet them in person. When you engage with their content, tell yourself it was written just for you.

Practice Self-Compassion

This one has been a game-changer for me. Instead of beating myself up for feeling self-doubt, I’ve started practicing self-compassion. Journaling is a fantastic tool to do this. This act of self-expression allows you to process feelings of inadequacy or failure gently, acknowledging them without self-criticism. 

A journaling exercise to promote self-compassion involves the prompt, “What I need to hear right now is…” This simple start helps you articulate the supportive words and affirmations you need, allowing you to offer yourself kindness and reassurance directly. This practice strengthens self-compassion by letting you be both the giver and receiver of encouragement.

Take Action, Even When It Feels Scary

Self-doubt often wants to keep us stuck, but I’ve found that taking small, consistent actions can help break its grip. It might feel scary to take that first step, but action breeds confidence. Start with something manageable, and slowly build up from there. The more you act despite your doubts, the more you’ll prove to yourself that you are capable and strong.

My word for 2024 is “consistency.” I gave myself one task: to stay consistent in what I wanted to create. Whenever I feel self-doubt, remembering this task helps me to keep going. This focus on consistency has been key in making steady progress toward my goals.

Remember Your Brightness

Finally, always remember that your true brightness is already within you. It doesn’t disappear just because self-doubt shows up. When I remind myself of this, I feel a little lighter, a little braver. You have unique gifts, talents, and qualities that make you shine. Trust in that, and know that even on your toughest days, your light is still there.

My new book, “Looking for Brightness,” explores the theme of discovering the light within ourselves. If you’re experiencing self-doubt, the words in “Looking for Brightness” might be just what you need.

if you're looking for brightness
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heart and soul life lessons

Finding Light in Everyday Moments

Finding Light

I recognise that when we are in the depths of struggle, advice can sometimes feel dismissive or simplistic. So, I approach this thoughtfully: Could it be possible that within our toughest moments, there might be light that, when we’re ready, could help guide us toward healing or understanding? Could it be that every moment eventually shines in some way?

When Pain Becomes a Teacher

I know what you’re thinking: “How could my pain possibly be a gift? Imagine being hurt by someone you trusted deeply. Think about the confusion that followed, the way broken trust impacted your life. Consider how, for a period of time, the pain gripped you tightly. But now, as you look back, can you see how that pain might have shielded you from continuing in unhealthy or insincere relationships? Can you recognise how pain, in its harsh way, might have led you to a path of self-discovery and growth?

I believe at times, experiences that initially seem devastating can ultimately reveal themselves as profoundly beneficial. It might not be apparent immediately, but hidden within these challenging times often lies something significant. 

Stepping away from difficult environments enabled me to forge more genuine connections and gain a clearer understanding of my identity and true needs. Tough chapters, turned out, to be steering me towards a more authentic narrative. Some might call this grace, finding unlooked-for goodness in the trials we face.

Letting Go to Grow

Releasing what we hold onto—whether it’s people, places, dreams, or even our own expectations—can be one of the most challenging things to do. I’ve had to let go of more than I ever thought I would. But here’s what I’ve discovered: Each time I let go and face the deep sorrow of losing what I cherished, I find that I am gradually making space for new understandings and connections that reflect who I am becoming.

For example, When I was young, I had to say goodbye to someone I cared about deeply, which seemed unbearable at the time. But in hindsight, that goodbye saved me from a future filled with complications and hurt that would have been much worse. It opened the door for new opportunities, new relationships, and new growth. 

Through this experience, I began to realise that letting go of what I think I want might just help me find what I truly need. 

Finding Light in Everyday Life

Sometimes, the good things come in the most ordinary packages. I remember a time when I didn’t get the creative recognition I was hoping for. At first, it felt like a setback, but looking back, I see it was sparing me from exposure I wasn’t ready to handle.

Little exposure pushed me towards genuine creative connections.  It forced me to sharpen my skills and work on myself. Most importantly, it led me to true supporters, the people who deeply appreciated and resonated with my work. 

Sometimes, grace is found in what ‘doesn’t’ happen — like a seemingly failed venture. It might be hard to hear, but sometimes, what we miss can protect us.

Trust in the Unfolding of Things

Here’s a thought to consider; perhaps grace doesn’t align with unhealthy habits or attachments. It seems to partner with wisdom, taking a long view that prioritises our health over our desires.

Life offers wisdom, and wisdom doesn’t always give us what we want — it gives us what we need to grow healthier and stronger. Maybe sometimes, it saves us from ourselves — from our own ambitions, attachments, or dreams that are actually holding us back.

Wise Words About Suffering

I know what you’re thinking, “where is light in life’s darkest moments—like war, childhood deaths, or profound suffering?’ Well having never experienced war, or horrific circumstances I can only quote someone who has, Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, who wrote, “In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.” 

Frankl believed that even in the face of unimaginable horrors, there is the possibility of finding a sense of purpose or meaning that can transform suffering into something bearable, even redemptive.

Following Light, Finding the Way

Here’s a thought that might resonate: Perhaps life doesn’t always make sense, and it certainly doesn’t always feel good, but maybe there’s a way it nudges us toward light, even when we can’t see it ourselves. 

Maybe grace is real and is working in ways we don’t fully understand, slowly helping to reconcile our hearts and minds, tending to the parts of us that need healing, and quietly guiding us toward a purpose that fits who we are becoming.

Maybe we fair best when we believe that every moment, every situation, holds value and even in the hardest moments, there is light to be found. Sometimes, all it takes is a shift in perspective to see the good that are right in front of us.

Maybe looking for light in unexpected places, although challenging, isn’t engaging in toxic positivity, but rather embracing the complexity of life with honesty.

Maybe allowing ourselves to acknowledge the pain we feel while remaining open to the possibility that there could still be moments of grace, growth, or insight hidden within is a good way to live.

if you're looking for brightness
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heart and soul life lessons

The Slow Unfolding: Understanding Life’s Lessons Years Later

trust the proccess

The Puzzle Pieces We Don’t See

Most of us experience  something that leaves us puzzled? I’m talking about insurmountable challenges that at the time, felt frustrating and confusing.  It’s like being handed a piece of a puzzle without knowing what the full picture looks like. You wonder, “How could this happen? What am I supposed to learn from this?”

For years, I held onto pieces, unsure of how they fit into the bigger picture of my life. Moments of heartbreak, missed opportunities, and struggles that I couldn’t make sense of have become in hindsight, years later, experiences that shaped me into the person I am today.

When Time Becomes Your Teacher

I have learnt that  life’s lessons don’t often reveal themselves right away. Sometimes, we need the gift of time to gain the perspective necessary to understand them. I’ve found that as I grow older, I can look back on past experiences with new eyes. What once seemed like a random series of events now feels more like the unfolding of an inevitable story, with each chapter building upon the last.

Although I do not believe that time heals all pain, I do believe that time allows us to see the purpose behind it. The seeds of the heartbreak I experienced in my thirties were planted in my young years. It was then that I gave others the responsibility for my life and fell in line, it was then that I gave up my power. And it is now that I recognize the necessity of embracing my own autonomy, understanding that the choices I make today are not dictated by the past, but by the clarity and courage I have found within.

It’s comforting to know that even in the thick of it—when we’re feeling lost, confused, or hurt—something is still unfolding; we are headed somewhere, and every struggle calls us to become more of who we truly are. Time is the teacher that helps us put the pieces together.

Trusting the process

One of the hardest things to do is to trust that eventually you will take something valuable from difficult situations. I’ve learned that just because I don’t have all the answers now doesn’t mean I won’t find them eventually. It’s like climbing a mountain: halfway up, after some climbing, I can see more than I did at the base. At the top, the view is clearer and wider. It takes time, but each step offers a broader, richer insight.

This doesn’t mean you should ignore your feelings or pretend everything is okay when it’s not. It’s perfectly fine to acknowledge the confusion, the frustration, and the pain. But alongside those emotions, try to hold onto the belief that one day, you’ll look back and see how these experiences were guiding you toward something truer.

Celebrating the Unfolding

There’s something incredibly beautiful about the slow unfolding of life’s lessons. It’s like watching a flower bloom in slow motion, each petal revealing itself in its own time. When you finally get to that moment where some pieces fit together, it’s a cause for celebration. You realise all the questioning, and the uncertainty were necessary to forge a deeper understanding and appreciation of your experiences.

I’ve had moments where I suddenly understood why things happened the way they did, and why they couldn’t happen any other way.  The clarity that comes with these realisations is freeing. They helped me to understand my thoughts, feelings and actions and confront raw truths.

If you’re currently holding onto pieces of a puzzle that don’t seem to fit, know that time has a way of revealing deeper insights.  Trust in the slow unfolding, and remember that each experience, no matter how confusing or painful, can be rich in lessons that expand your understanding of both yourself and the world around you.

And to those who have been waiting for answers, for insight, for vindication or for justice for years I offer this: find peace in the unresolved. Peace is available even when answers are not.

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heart and soul life lessons

Narratives That Nurture: Stories That Heal Without Hiding Reality

Embracing the Full Story

For me, healing started when I accepted the whole story—all of it, the ups, when it comes to healing and growing, the stories we tell ourselves really do make a difference.

They comfort us, spark inspiration, and help us understand ourselves better. But if we want healing that goes deep and sticks around, we need stories that don’t shy away from everything we’ve been through, especially the tough stuff.

There’s often this pressure around us, or even from inside us, to just look at the bright side or find the “silver lining” in every situation. Sure, being optimistic is great, but it’s not so helpful when it makes us ignore or downplay the pain we feel.

The stories that really help us heal don’t just focus on the wins and the happy moments; they recognize the hurts and the tough times too. They let us see ourselves fully, without leaving anything out, and remind us that our pain doesn’t make us worth any less.

By facing the truth of our lives without covering up the tough parts, we build resilience and release ourselves from fantasies about what could, should or would be.

The Power of Keeping It Real

Think about the difference between a story that ends with “and they lived happily ever after” and one that goes, “they faced many challenges, but they grew with each one.”

The second story doesn’t hide the struggles or the pain; it includes them as part of the journey, showing that healing isn’t about making scars disappear but learning to see them as signs of our unique strength.

This approach doesn’t mean we focus on the pain for the sake of it but recognising it as a step towards understanding and peace.

A nurturing story doesn’t simplify the complicated emotions of trauma or grief; it opens a path through them. It makes room for reflection, anger, sadness, and eventually, acceptance, offering a complete approach to healing that respects every part of our human experience.

How to Build Stories That Heal

So, how do we start building these healing stories? I begin with journaling honestly. I don’t leave out the parts that seem too dark or too sad. I share these stories with friends I trust or in supportive groups where our stories are met with understanding and not judgment.

I also look for books, movies, and art that showcase this kind of honest storytelling. The story of Jonah from the Book of Jonah has been particularly helpful for me. 

Those familiar with it might recall how Jonah boards a ship, which then encounters a storm, causing the vessel to rock. This reminds me of a time when a relationship in my life became shaky.

As a result, Jonah was thrown overboard and swallowed by a whale. For me, the whale symbolises suffering, or you might say, the dark night of the soul. After I was asked to ‘leave the village’ because of this troubled relationship, I too found myself in the belly of suffering.

Eventually, Jonah is spat out onto a beach. Here, the story teaches me that my suffering was simply transportation—a way to move me from there to here, to a new place of freedom.

This narrative helps me to appreciate every aspect of my experience. I often ask myself, ‘Where would you rather be, on a rocky boat at sea with people willing to throw you overboard, or on a new beach?’

For those familiar with the original tale, you’ll see that I have made it my own. This means looking at the story as it speaks to my experience. I am aware that I am missing some plot points and as a result have made one story into two. However, I see no problem with remaining open and honoring both the context in which it was written and the myriad of interpretations it has accumulated over the centuries, as well as a new story that illustrates my experience and assists with healing.

This reimagining has led me to a narrative that fills me with gratitude—not only for the journey but also for the outcome, despite the pain, loss, and disappointment.

A Journey to True Healing

By choosing stories that nurture without hiding the tough realities, we empower ourselves to heal more fully and help others do the same. We learn how to use every part of our story as a source of strength.

Healing isn’t a straight path, and it’s different for everyone. It’s a personal process that does best with a realistic story—one that embraces all that life throws our way. By committing to heal without hiding anything, we commit to a life full of authenticity, resilience, and, ultimately, deeper joy.

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heart and soul life lessons

Visual Techniques for Dealing with Painful Thoughts and Emotions: The Power of Imagination

Dealing with painful thoughts and emotions is a universal challenge. For a while now, journaling has been my go to for offloading anger, frustration, feelings of rejection and dare I say it, red hot rage. I stand by a regular journaling practice – writing things down really helps me, however of late, I’ve found something else that has provided almost instant relief. 

Imaginative techniques can offer profound reprieve and clarity. One such method involves visualising emotions as tangible objects and placing them before someone wiser, someone more equipped to handle them. 

The Power of Visualization

Visualisation is a powerful tool that taps into our innate creativity and the mind’s ability to transcend immediate emotional turmoil. By giving form to abstract feelings, we can externalise and better manage them. This technique is particularly useful when I struggle with articulating emotions (finding the words).

Turning Emotions into Objects

I imagine my anger as a coil of coins, stacked and wrapped in brown paper (weird I know, but that’s what anger feels like to me). I visualise myself sliding these coins across a table, feeling their weight and the texture of the paper. This simple act of imagining my anger as something tangible provides a sense of control and distance from the emotion.

I see my sadness as a heavy stone, my anxiety as a bag of razors. By visualising these feelings as objects, I can acknowledge their presence without being entirely consumed by them. This practice allows me to interact with emotions in a new, more manageable way.

Seeking the Wisdom of Others

The next step is to place these visualised objects before someone wiser, someone more equipped to deal with them. A symbolic figure representing wisdom and compassion. For me, this figure is Love personified—an entity capable of understanding and sorting out even the most complexed problems.

I Imagine sliding my stack of anger across the table to this person. In my mind’s eye, I watch as they examine it and understand it. They nod to acknowledge what I have given them and I turn away.

The Benefits of This Technique

Externalising my emotions offers a valuable perspective, allowing me to view them more objectively. In an object, emotions are contained. They have limits. They can be controlled, analysed and transferred. Thay are stationary until we move them and only have the power we give them.

Sharing emotional burdens, reinforces the concept that I do not have to carry burdens alone. This act of sharing, through visualising the transfer of emotions, lightens the load and provides a sense of support and understanding. 

Visualising and then relinquishing emotions to someone wiser empowers me to take control of my emotional well-being. This technique fosters a sense of agency and self-empowerment, as I actively engage in managing my emotions.

By entrusting my feelings to a figure of wisdom, I create a mental framework where I are not dominated by my emotions, but rather, I am in charge. This empowerment can lead to a healthier emotional state and a stronger sense of personal resilience.

Putting It into Practice

To incorporate this technique into your routine, whenever overwhelming emotions arise, close your eyes, and imagine your feelings in physical form. Identify the dominant emotion you are feeling and imagine it as an object. 

Next, picture the wise figure you’ve chosen. Visualise placing the object in front of them. It is their job to deal with it. Only when you leave it, can they do so.

Final Words

After only a short time of practising this technique, I have noticed its liberating effects.  The technique allowed me to externalise and observe my emotions from a distance, transforming them from overwhelming waves into manageable insights.

Additionally, I found myself becoming more emotionally resilient. Instead of being swept away by negative feelings, I have a way to master them. Moreover, the empowerment I gained from this practice is incredibly motivating. It is reassuring to know that I have a reliable tool to turn to whenever I feel overwhelmed. 

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life lessons Poetry Publishing

Finding Clarity: Reflections on Light

finding clarity

Let’s start with a poem.


Epiphany

Love is light,  
And so is the absence of love.  
It is both the way we are remembered  
And casually forgotten.  
It is the loyalty of a heart.  
It is the betrayal of a promise.  
Light is darkness and the flame.  
It is a face in full sun  
And a face wet with rain.  
Light is the climb and the descent.  
Both hunger pains and a belly full of bread.  
I see it in your eyes.  
I hear it in your words.  
I hold it in your absence.  
I be it in rebirth.

The Dual Nature of Light: Clarity and Shadows

When we think of light, we often envision clarity and warmth. It’s the glow of the sun on our faces, the flame that lights our path. 

Yet, light also reveals shadows, those hidden parts of ourselves and our relationships that we may not always wish to see. Just as love can bring us closer to others, it can also expose our vulnerabilities and fears.

Light as a Metaphor for Clarity

In this poem, light is a metaphor for clarity, a way to find our path in the darkness. In moments of confusion or doubt, it’s the light of understanding that guides us. 

As we navigate the complexities of life, finding clarity becomes crucial. We seek to understand our feelings, our relationships, and our place in the world.

Illuminating Hidden Truths

Both love and fear have the power to uncover hidden truths in our lives. Love reveals our capacity for deep connection, kindness, and selflessness, shedding light on the positive aspects of our relationships and interactions.

It can bring to the surface the ways we cherish and support others, highlighting the strengths we might not always recognize.

Conversely, fear exposes our vulnerabilities, insecurities, and the darker aspects of our experiences. It forces us to confront the issues we’ve avoided, revealing the areas where we need growth or healing. 

Together, love and fear act as illuminating forces, helping us to better understand ourselves and the world around us. By acknowledging both, we gain a more comprehensive and truthful perspective on our lives.

Finding Clarity in Both Presence and Absence

In the final lines of the poem “Epiphany,” we are reminded of the subtle ways we can find clarity through the words and deeds of others. “I see it in your eyes” suggests that body language often tells us profound truths that words might miss. 

“I hear it in your voice” emphasizes that both what is said and what is left unsaid can reveal deep insights into our relationships and experiences. “I hold it in your absence” highlights how actions, especially the lack thereof, can speak volumes and provide clarity about what truly matters. 

Finally, “I be it in rebirth” signifies that we can find light and clarity as we rebuild our lives after difficult times. By seeking light in both the presence and absence of things, we open ourselves to constant epiphanies. 

There is always light, even in the pitch-black darkness. In fact, the darkness itself can be a source of light. Your pain speaks as loudly as your joy, revealing deep truths.

Both the living and the dead illuminate wisdom and understanding. No matter where you are, there is light. Look for the lessons in every situation—they are the way forward.

—

The poem featured in this blog post is from my upcoming collection, “If You’re Looking for Brightness: Words on Light and Where to Find It,” coming in 2024.

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Creativity life lessons

The Art of Reblooming: Finding Renewal and Growth

The art of reblooming

Having earned my diploma in floristry, I worked as a florist in the years after I left school. In that time, I learned a lot about flowers, and not just how to arrange them.

Flowers are amazing because they do so many things. They attract bees and other pollinators, help plants reproduce, and add to the diversity of life around us. Each flower has its own unique shape and colour, which shows how they’ve adapted to their environment. 

Working with flowers made me appreciate how they’re more than just pretty objects. They symbolise emotions, commemorate important moments in our lives, and maintain our connection to the natural world. Moreover, flowers represent growth and renewal, reminding us of the continuous cycles of life and the beauty of new beginnings.

Growth and renewal are fundamental aspects of life. This concept of reblooming—of coming into bloom again after a period of dormancy or decline—is a powerful metaphor for the resilience and renewal we can find within ourselves.

What Does Reblooming Mean?

In the world of floristry, reblooming is the phenomenon where plants flower more than once in their growing season. Similarly, in our lives, reblooming can mean recovering from setbacks, finding new energy after burnout, or embracing new beginnings after endings. It’s a reminder that it’s always possible to flourish again, despite past difficulties.

Embracing Life’s Cycles

Just as perennials in the garden bloom anew each season, we too can find opportunities for renewal at different stages of our lives. Recognizing that life is composed of cycles — each with its own time for growth and rejuvenation — helps us maintain hope and stay open to new possibilities.

How to Embrace Change and Reblooming

To successfully rebloom, embracing change is essential. Here’s how you can start:

-Let Go of the Past: Release old habits and beliefs that don’t serve your growth. This is akin to pruning dead flowers to make way for new growth.

Letting go is often a gradual process, like lifting one finger at a time before releasing something from your palm. It’s scary and lonely, and there’s often grief and doubt to navigate through. Sometimes, we have to let go of beliefs, people, or ways of living that we never imagined we would, making the shock of it all yet another aspect to process.

– Cultivate New Habits: Like a gardener nurturing their plants, cultivate habits and thoughts that encourage growth and positivity. Put yourself in the way of beauty, seeking out and appreciating the small wonders in everyday life.

Practice gratitude to shift your focus to the positive aspects of your experiences. Learn to be present, embracing each moment fully without dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

Embrace creativity and self-expression, allowing yourself the freedom to explore and develop your unique talents and passions. By doing so, you create a fertile environment for personal growth and fulfillment.

-Stay Open to Learning: Every phase of life has lessons to offer. Stay curious and open to the new insights each season brings. Learning is growing, and intentionally enrolling in education can move your life forward with assistance.

It’s like hopping on a train—the syllabus will take you somewhere, and by the time you have completed your study, you will have arrived at another destination. 

Learning is easier than ever, so don’t let time or finances get in the way. If you can’t afford to enroll in a course, commit to watching a series of YouTube videos about a subject, listening to a podcast series, or visiting your local or online library to indulge in learning.

Trust me when I say learning can be a lifeline.

The Benefits of Reblooming

Reblooming is not merely about recovery; it’s about reaching new levels of growth and understanding. It can lead to increased resilience, deeper self-awareness, and a renewed sense of purpose.

Each time we rebloom, we enhance our capacity to navigate life’s challenges.

Embracing the idea of reblooming can transform how we view our lives. It encourages us to keep evolving and growing, no matter what challenges we face.

Remember, with each season, there’s a fresh opportunity to start anew and bloom once again.

Poem used in the image is from ‘A Strong and Fragile Thing’, musing on the wisdom and wonder found in the natural world.

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heart and soul life lessons

Mothering Teens with Patience and Resilience: 3 Key Challenges

mothering teens

Mothering teens -Wow!! To say that I’ve had to learn a lot about patience and resilience is an understatement.

So here, I’m sharing some real talk about the highs and lows of mothering teens.

Responding to Mockery

When our teens make fun of us, whether it’s about our actions or how we look, it can sting.

Consider my experience as a longtime dancer. After years of identifying myself through dance, hearing my kids joke that I “can’t dance” felt like a jab at my identity . 

One day, inspired by their comments, I watched myself dance in the mirror. What I saw was a middle-aged woman executing all the right moves, yet not looking quite as ‘cool’ as I felt. It was enlightening.

This scenario made me realize that teens often view us through a different lens, influenced by contemporary standards and peer perceptions. Their mockery isn’t necessarily malicious but reflects our differing views on style, ability, and even appearance. 

I believe it is absolutely okay to tell your kids how their comments about our appearance or actions make us feel, but it’s crucial to approach these conversations in a way that encourages understanding instead of causing defensiveness.

Instead of reacting defensively, we can use these moments to discuss our life experiences and the changes we’ve gone through, including our looks. It opens up a dialogue about aging gracefully, respecting differences, and celebrating our unique paths in life. 

Navigating the Grief of Digital Disconnection

The presence of technology in my children’s lives has often left me feeling a sense of grief.  I know many parents of teens feel the same. 

This emotional response stems from witnessing our children engaging online, participating in a digital world that seems separate from our own. This can create a barrier that keeps us from fully connecting with our children, even when they are physically present.

This digital divide can be particularly palpable during family times, like family holidays, where the clash between the online world and the real world becomes more evident.

It’s not just the frustration of competing with devices for attention; it’s a deeper longing for our children to experience life without the constant buzz of social media, to engage with the world directly and create memories that aren’t mediated through a screen.

Although I have always put boundaries around technology in place, this does not quench their desire to be ‘with’ their friends online rather than with me. 

On the other hand,  I  have  also felt pain when my children are not interacting at all as it is often a sign that they have been excluded, leaving them without a place to engage. 

It’s a paradox: we yearn for our kids to engage and connect, yet we also wish they wouldn’t spend all their time tethered to digital interactions.

This particular parenting challenge uniquely affects those raising teens who are not only exposed to this technology but are also intricately woven into its social fabric.

Our parents, who came before the age of smartphones and social media, cannot fully grasp this issue, and our children, who have never known a world without constant digital connection, can’t either. 

To effectively process this grief, we must fully acknowledge the disappointments and challenges that technology has introduced into our parenting experience.

Recognizing these feelings is the first step in managing them constructively.

Confronting Fear

Maybe responding to their mockery or navigating grief around technology seems like child’s play to you. You might be dealing with serious issues like drug use, depression, intense conflict or risky behaviors. 

Your teen may lash out, using harsh words that cut deep, blaming you for their struggles, and making you long for the days when they were content and carefree.

You might feel lost, wondering where your joyful child went and if you’ll ever have a strong relationship again.

In these moments, the guilt, pain, frustration, and fear can feel all-consuming.

Fear—now that’s a word we need to unpack when it comes to parenting. 

Fear can manifest as a constant undercurrent in our daily interactions, or surge forth in moments of crisis. Either way, it demands our attention and acknowledgment. 

By admitting we are afraid, we can begin to understand how fear impacts our decisions and interactions, allowing us to approach parenting our teen with more awareness and compassion.

A Word of Encouragement for Mothers of Teens.

You can do this!

If you’ve made mistakes, remember, you’re not alone—we all have. 

If you’re feeling the sting of the gaps technology has created within your family, it’s okay to acknowledge that frustration; it’s a common and very real challenge for many parents. 

If you feel mocked or unappreciated, remember, their words are not the truth but merely a perspective that will evolve as they mature. 

If your child is struggling, whether dealing with emotional pain, or confused about their identity and place in the world, continue to show your love.

Build them up with your words and actions, be their biggest cheerleader, and show them all the ways you find them incredible. 

Serve them with kindness, offer them a listening ear, and when they turn you away, gently let them know, “I’m here if you change your mind.” 

And above all, keep listening, and when challenges become too daunting to face alone, don’t hesitate to call for backup.

To read how Journalling has helped me to navigate mothering teens click here.

Categories
Creativity heart and soul life lessons

Investing in the Unknown: When Is It Worth Risking Time, Money, and Energy?

investing in the unknown

In the pursuit of any creative dream—whether you’re a writer, musician, artist, or creator—there comes a pivotal moment. It’s that heart-thumping instance where you stand at the crossroads of inspiration and practicality. The question looms: “Is investing in my creative passion worth the risk?” I know, I’ve asked myself this many times and the answer is always found in unpacking my fears.

Understanding the Stakes

To me, investing in the unknown  often feels like wandering through a fog—exciting yet intimidating. This isn’t just about financial investment. It’s about the hours of practice, the emotional energy in creating something personal, and the vulnerability of sharing it with the world. 

Recognizing what’s at stake is the first step toward rational, yet passionate, decision-making. First, I acknowledge that there are risks and that is why I feel resistance and apprehension.

The Real Cost of ‘What If?’

Before you turn away from your dream due to fear of the unknown, consider the cost of the unexplored path. What is the price of not knowing what could have been? 

I have a habit of focusing on the risk of failure neglecting the equally significant risk of regret. When I pull myself up on this taking a more balanced approach, the thought of never trying then becomes a far greater burden than the potential loss of resources.

Risk vs. Reward: A Creative Calculation

Not every creative venture will succeed in conventional terms. But every effort has taught me something valuable. Whether it’s improving my skills, expanding my network, or simply discovering my limits, these are the intangible rewards that I feel outweigh initial costs.

When assessing risk, I ask myself: Can I handle the emotional and financial impact if this doesn’t go as planned? What might I gain, even if I don’t achieve my original goal?

These questions help to pivot my perspective from seeing an unknown outcome solely as a potential loss to viewing it as a field of possibilities.

Investment in Yourself Is Never Wasted

When we invest in creativity, we’re building more than just a portfolio; we’re developing ourselves. Each step forward enhances our resilience, hones our craft, and deepens our understanding of both our capabilities and our potential. These are the tools that build not just a project, but an expansive creative life.

When I invest in my creativity I am also investing in my joy, fulfillment, sense of purpose and satisfaction that financial success alone cannot match.

Navigating the Unknown with Strategic Steps

While embracing risks is part of the creative process, being strategic about it can reduce unnecessary losses. Remember these three things:

  • You can start small: Before I wrote my first lil poetry book, I posted poems anonymously on instagram. 
  • Seek Feedback: Seek out mentorship. For me this looked like entering competitions where my work would be critiqued.
  • Build Incrementally: Instead of pouring all resources into one big project, develop in stages.

The Leap of Faith

Ultimately, investing in the unknown requires a leap of faith, but most often it is a calculated one.  While not all my investments have paid off in ways I wanted, all have contributed to my growth and understanding of my work and myself.

So, is it worth it? Perhaps better questions to ask might be, ‘Am I taking it far enough? Am I allowing myself the space to fully explore and embrace the possibilities before me? Will I look back on this moment in my life knowing that with wisdom I courageously moved forward? 

Categories
Journaling Therapeutic Writing Prompts

23 Journalling Prompts to Uncover Your Hidden Strengths

poem

In the quest to unearth hidden strengths, one of the most powerful tools at our disposal is reflection. If you are seeking to navigate the rich landscapes of your inner world, you’re in the right place.

In this blog post my aim is to inspire you to embark on a journey of self-exploration that promises to unveil the reservoirs of strength lying dormant within you.

At the end of this post you will find a link to twenty three prompts that will help you to tap into your deep knowing and discover the strengths you did not know you possessed.

Unlocking Your Hidden Strengths

“Your strengths are not just the things you’re good at, but also the obstacles you’ve overcome.”  – Oprah Winfrey.

This quote reminds us that our true power often emerges from the crucibles of challenge and adversity. It’s in the moments when we’re tested that we discover the full extent of our resilience, creativity, and tenacity. 

However, the bustle of daily life can sometimes cloud our perception of these internal victories. It’s essential to pause, reflect, and engage in practices that bring these strengths to the forefront of our lives.

The Mirror to Your Soul

Journaling is not merely a practice of recording daily events but a profound exercise in introspection and self-dialogue. It’s a vessel that transports us through the layers of our consciousness, guiding us to revelations about our inherent capabilities. 

When we journal, we engage in a dialogue with our inner self, asking probing questions and uncovering answers that have always been a part of us, waiting for the right moment to emerge.

The Journey of Discovery

Embarking on this journey requires courage, honesty and an open heart, as it’s not just about celebrating our strengths but also confronting our vulnerabilities. It’s in acknowledging our fears, hopes, dreams, and challenges that we begin to see the outlines of our true potential. 

When you write, I encourage you to look for the gold in your failure, mistakes and shortfalls. Rather than dwelling on missteps, look at depths of character, virtues and emotional intelligence and way of thinking. This perspective transforms every misstep into a chance for personal growth, highlighting the inherent strength and adaptability within you.

Your Companion on the Path

To aid you in this journey of self-discovery, I’ve created a special freebie: a guide filled with carefully crafted journaling prompts designed to gently peel back the layers of your consciousness and reveal the hidden strengths within. 

A Gift for you

‘23 Journalling prompts to uncover your hidden strengths,’ is more than just a document; it’s a portal to a new understanding of yourself.  By engaging with these prompts, you’ll not only uncover strengths you were unaware of but also your passions and aversions will become clear.

The First Step to a deeper connection

“Every journey begins with a single step, and the path to discovering your hidden strengths starts with the willingness to explore.” – Lao Tzu.

These prompts are your first step towards a deeper connection with who you are. Don’t rush through them. Spend time reflecting on each one, allowing your thoughts and emotions to flow freely.

This mindful approach will enable you to uncover insights and understandings about yourself that may have been hidden just beneath the surface.

Let these prompts unlock you.  Download them now and discover that you are stronger than you know.

The poem featured in the image in this post if from ‘A Strong and Fragile Thing’, musings in reflection of the wisdom and wonder found in the natural world.