Author: Lauren Lott

The Puzzle Pieces We Don’t See

Most of us experience  something that leaves us puzzled? I’m talking about insurmountable challenges that at the time, felt frustrating and confusing.  It’s like being handed a piece of a puzzle without knowing what the full picture looks like. You wonder, “How could this happen? What am I supposed to learn from this?”

For years, I held onto pieces, unsure of how they fit into the bigger picture of my life. Moments of heartbreak, missed opportunities, and struggles that I couldn’t make sense of have become in hindsight, years later, experiences that shaped me into the person I am today.

When Time Becomes Your Teacher

I have learnt that  life’s lessons don’t often reveal themselves right away. Sometimes, we need the gift of time to gain the perspective necessary to understand them. I’ve found that as I grow older, I can look back on past experiences with new eyes. What once seemed like a random series of events now feels more like the unfolding of an inevitable story, with each chapter building upon the last.

Although I do not believe that time heals all pain, I do believe that time allows us to see the purpose behind it. The seeds of the heartbreak I experienced in my thirties were planted in my young years. It was then that I gave others the responsibility for my life and fell in line, it was then that I gave up my power. And it is now that I recognize the necessity of embracing my own autonomy, understanding that the choices I make today are not dictated by the past, but by the clarity and courage I have found within.

It’s comforting to know that even in the thick of it—when we’re feeling lost, confused, or hurt—something is still unfolding; we are headed somewhere, and every struggle calls us to become more of who we truly are. Time is the teacher that helps us put the pieces together.

Trusting the process

One of the hardest things to do is to trust that eventually you will take something valuable from difficult situations. I’ve learned that just because I don’t have all the answers now doesn’t mean I won’t find them eventually. It’s like climbing a mountain: halfway up, after some climbing, I can see more than I did at the base. At the top, the view is clearer and wider. It takes time, but each step offers a broader, richer insight.

This doesn’t mean you should ignore your feelings or pretend everything is okay when it’s not. It’s perfectly fine to acknowledge the confusion, the frustration, and the pain. But alongside those emotions, try to hold onto the belief that one day, you’ll look back and see how these experiences were guiding you toward something truer.

Celebrating the Unfolding

There’s something incredibly beautiful about the slow unfolding of life’s lessons. It’s like watching a flower bloom in slow motion, each petal revealing itself in its own time. When you finally get to that moment where some pieces fit together, it’s a cause for celebration. You realise all the questioning, and the uncertainty were necessary to forge a deeper understanding and appreciation of your experiences.

I’ve had moments where I suddenly understood why things happened the way they did, and why they couldn’t happen any other way.  The clarity that comes with these realisations is freeing. They helped me to understand my thoughts, feelings and actions and confront raw truths.

If you’re currently holding onto pieces of a puzzle that don’t seem to fit, know that time has a way of revealing deeper insights.  Trust in the slow unfolding, and remember that each experience, no matter how confusing or painful, can be rich in lessons that expand your understanding of both yourself and the world around you.

And to those who have been waiting for answers, for insight, for vindication or for justice for years I offer this: find peace in the unresolved. Peace is available even when answers are not.

Embracing the Full Story

For me, healing started when I accepted the whole story—all of it, the ups, when it comes to healing and growing, the stories we tell ourselves really do make a difference.

They comfort us, spark inspiration, and help us understand ourselves better. But if we want healing that goes deep and sticks around, we need stories that don’t shy away from everything we’ve been through, especially the tough stuff.

There’s often this pressure around us, or even from inside us, to just look at the bright side or find the “silver lining” in every situation. Sure, being optimistic is great, but it’s not so helpful when it makes us ignore or downplay the pain we feel.

The stories that really help us heal don’t just focus on the wins and the happy moments; they recognize the hurts and the tough times too. They let us see ourselves fully, without leaving anything out, and remind us that our pain doesn’t make us worth any less.

By facing the truth of our lives without covering up the tough parts, we build resilience and release ourselves from fantasies about what could, should or would be.

The Power of Keeping It Real

Think about the difference between a story that ends with “and they lived happily ever after” and one that goes, “they faced many challenges, but they grew with each one.”

The second story doesn’t hide the struggles or the pain; it includes them as part of the journey, showing that healing isn’t about making scars disappear but learning to see them as signs of our unique strength.

This approach doesn’t mean we focus on the pain for the sake of it but recognising it as a step towards understanding and peace.

A nurturing story doesn’t simplify the complicated emotions of trauma or grief; it opens a path through them. It makes room for reflection, anger, sadness, and eventually, acceptance, offering a complete approach to healing that respects every part of our human experience.

How to Build Stories That Heal

So, how do we start building these healing stories? I begin with journaling honestly. I don’t leave out the parts that seem too dark or too sad. I share these stories with friends I trust or in supportive groups where our stories are met with understanding and not judgment.

I also look for books, movies, and art that showcase this kind of honest storytelling. The story of Jonah from the Book of Jonah has been particularly helpful for me. 

Those familiar with it might recall how Jonah boards a ship, which then encounters a storm, causing the vessel to rock. This reminds me of a time when a relationship in my life became shaky.

As a result, Jonah was thrown overboard and swallowed by a whale. For me, the whale symbolises suffering, or you might say, the dark night of the soul. After I was asked to ‘leave the village’ because of this troubled relationship, I too found myself in the belly of suffering.

Eventually, Jonah is spat out onto a beach. Here, the story teaches me that my suffering was simply transportation—a way to move me from there to here, to a new place of freedom.

This narrative helps me to appreciate every aspect of my experience. I often ask myself, ‘Where would you rather be, on a rocky boat at sea with people willing to throw you overboard, or on a new beach?’

For those familiar with the original tale, you’ll see that I have made it my own. This means looking at the story as it speaks to my experience. I am aware that I am missing some plot points and as a result have made one story into two. However, I see no problem with remaining open and honoring both the context in which it was written and the myriad of interpretations it has accumulated over the centuries, as well as a new story that illustrates my experience and assists with healing.

This reimagining has led me to a narrative that fills me with gratitude—not only for the journey but also for the outcome, despite the pain, loss, and disappointment.

A Journey to True Healing

By choosing stories that nurture without hiding the tough realities, we empower ourselves to heal more fully and help others do the same. We learn how to use every part of our story as a source of strength.

Healing isn’t a straight path, and it’s different for everyone. It’s a personal process that does best with a realistic story—one that embraces all that life throws our way. By committing to heal without hiding anything, we commit to a life full of authenticity, resilience, and, ultimately, deeper joy.