Month: July 2024

Categories
heart and soul life lessons

Narratives That Nurture: Stories That Heal Without Hiding Reality

Embracing the Full Story

For me, healing started when I accepted the whole story—all of it, the ups, when it comes to healing and growing, the stories we tell ourselves really do make a difference.

They comfort us, spark inspiration, and help us understand ourselves better. But if we want healing that goes deep and sticks around, we need stories that don’t shy away from everything we’ve been through, especially the tough stuff.

There’s often this pressure around us, or even from inside us, to just look at the bright side or find the “silver lining” in every situation. Sure, being optimistic is great, but it’s not so helpful when it makes us ignore or downplay the pain we feel.

The stories that really help us heal don’t just focus on the wins and the happy moments; they recognize the hurts and the tough times too. They let us see ourselves fully, without leaving anything out, and remind us that our pain doesn’t make us worth any less.

By facing the truth of our lives without covering up the tough parts, we build resilience and release ourselves from fantasies about what could, should or would be.

The Power of Keeping It Real

Think about the difference between a story that ends with “and they lived happily ever after” and one that goes, “they faced many challenges, but they grew with each one.”

The second story doesn’t hide the struggles or the pain; it includes them as part of the journey, showing that healing isn’t about making scars disappear but learning to see them as signs of our unique strength.

This approach doesn’t mean we focus on the pain for the sake of it but recognising it as a step towards understanding and peace.

A nurturing story doesn’t simplify the complicated emotions of trauma or grief; it opens a path through them. It makes room for reflection, anger, sadness, and eventually, acceptance, offering a complete approach to healing that respects every part of our human experience.

How to Build Stories That Heal

So, how do we start building these healing stories? I begin with journaling honestly. I don’t leave out the parts that seem too dark or too sad. I share these stories with friends I trust or in supportive groups where our stories are met with understanding and not judgment.

I also look for books, movies, and art that showcase this kind of honest storytelling. The story of Jonah from the Book of Jonah has been particularly helpful for me. 

Those familiar with it might recall how Jonah boards a ship, which then encounters a storm, causing the vessel to rock. This reminds me of a time when a relationship in my life became shaky.

As a result, Jonah was thrown overboard and swallowed by a whale. For me, the whale symbolises suffering, or you might say, the dark night of the soul. After I was asked to ‘leave the village’ because of this troubled relationship, I too found myself in the belly of suffering.

Eventually, Jonah is spat out onto a beach. Here, the story teaches me that my suffering was simply transportation—a way to move me from there to here, to a new place of freedom.

This narrative helps me to appreciate every aspect of my experience. I often ask myself, ‘Where would you rather be, on a rocky boat at sea with people willing to throw you overboard, or on a new beach?’

For those familiar with the original tale, you’ll see that I have made it my own. This means looking at the story as it speaks to my experience. I am aware that I am missing some plot points and as a result have made one story into two. However, I see no problem with remaining open and honoring both the context in which it was written and the myriad of interpretations it has accumulated over the centuries, as well as a new story that illustrates my experience and assists with healing.

This reimagining has led me to a narrative that fills me with gratitude—not only for the journey but also for the outcome, despite the pain, loss, and disappointment.

A Journey to True Healing

By choosing stories that nurture without hiding the tough realities, we empower ourselves to heal more fully and help others do the same. We learn how to use every part of our story as a source of strength.

Healing isn’t a straight path, and it’s different for everyone. It’s a personal process that does best with a realistic story—one that embraces all that life throws our way. By committing to heal without hiding anything, we commit to a life full of authenticity, resilience, and, ultimately, deeper joy.

Categories
heart and soul life lessons

Visual Techniques for Dealing with Painful Thoughts and Emotions: The Power of Imagination

Dealing with painful thoughts and emotions is a universal challenge. For a while now, journaling has been my go to for offloading anger, frustration, feelings of rejection and dare I say it, red hot rage. I stand by a regular journaling practice – writing things down really helps me, however of late, I’ve found something else that has provided almost instant relief. 

Imaginative techniques can offer profound reprieve and clarity. One such method involves visualising emotions as tangible objects and placing them before someone wiser, someone more equipped to handle them. 

The Power of Visualization

Visualisation is a powerful tool that taps into our innate creativity and the mind’s ability to transcend immediate emotional turmoil. By giving form to abstract feelings, we can externalise and better manage them. This technique is particularly useful when I struggle with articulating emotions (finding the words).

Turning Emotions into Objects

I imagine my anger as a coil of coins, stacked and wrapped in brown paper (weird I know, but that’s what anger feels like to me). I visualise myself sliding these coins across a table, feeling their weight and the texture of the paper. This simple act of imagining my anger as something tangible provides a sense of control and distance from the emotion.

I see my sadness as a heavy stone, my anxiety as a bag of razors. By visualising these feelings as objects, I can acknowledge their presence without being entirely consumed by them. This practice allows me to interact with emotions in a new, more manageable way.

Seeking the Wisdom of Others

The next step is to place these visualised objects before someone wiser, someone more equipped to deal with them. A symbolic figure representing wisdom and compassion. For me, this figure is Love personified—an entity capable of understanding and sorting out even the most complexed problems.

I Imagine sliding my stack of anger across the table to this person. In my mind’s eye, I watch as they examine it and understand it. They nod to acknowledge what I have given them and I turn away.

The Benefits of This Technique

Externalising my emotions offers a valuable perspective, allowing me to view them more objectively. In an object, emotions are contained. They have limits. They can be controlled, analysed and transferred. Thay are stationary until we move them and only have the power we give them.

Sharing emotional burdens, reinforces the concept that I do not have to carry burdens alone. This act of sharing, through visualising the transfer of emotions, lightens the load and provides a sense of support and understanding. 

Visualising and then relinquishing emotions to someone wiser empowers me to take control of my emotional well-being. This technique fosters a sense of agency and self-empowerment, as I actively engage in managing my emotions.

By entrusting my feelings to a figure of wisdom, I create a mental framework where I are not dominated by my emotions, but rather, I am in charge. This empowerment can lead to a healthier emotional state and a stronger sense of personal resilience.

Putting It into Practice

To incorporate this technique into your routine, whenever overwhelming emotions arise, close your eyes, and imagine your feelings in physical form. Identify the dominant emotion you are feeling and imagine it as an object. 

Next, picture the wise figure you’ve chosen. Visualise placing the object in front of them. It is their job to deal with it. Only when you leave it, can they do so.

Final Words

After only a short time of practising this technique, I have noticed its liberating effects.  The technique allowed me to externalise and observe my emotions from a distance, transforming them from overwhelming waves into manageable insights.

Additionally, I found myself becoming more emotionally resilient. Instead of being swept away by negative feelings, I have a way to master them. Moreover, the empowerment I gained from this practice is incredibly motivating. It is reassuring to know that I have a reliable tool to turn to whenever I feel overwhelmed. 

Categories
heart and soul Therapeutic Writing Prompts

Navigating the Loss of Your Former Self: Tips for Healing

grieving your former self

This week marks five years since I made the decision to step away from church and end my involvement in church ministry. While the reasons for this are complex and not the focus of this post, I want to say that leaving my denomination was a crucial step for preserving my mental and emotional health. In the process I lost a part of myself, laid my way of life to rest and began the course of grieving my former self.

Recognizing the Grief of Self-Loss

Grieving who you used to be is a unique and often overlooked form of grief. This can be just as painful and confusing as any other type of loss. When I left the church, I left behind a significant part of my identity. That version of me was deeply entwined with my faith community, my roles, and my routines. Losing that meant I had to redefine who I am and what I believe. 

When we lose a part of ourselves, the impact often ripples through various areas of our lives. We face not only a shift in our self-perception but also changes in relationships and our envisioned future. This loss can affect your finances and social life, among other aspects.

Allowing Yourself to Feel

The first step in navigating this kind of grief is allowing yourself to feel it fully. Don’t rush the process or try to ignore your feelings. Give yourself permission to mourn the person you used to be.  For me, this began after I had grieved a significant relationship in my life. It was the grief that came after grief.

It’s okay to miss a former version of yourself and to feel a sense of loss. Acknowledge the impact that past self had on your life and understand that it’s natural to feel a range of emotions, from sadness to anger to confusion.

My past self was more trusting. She had an exuberance based on naivety. I often miss having her perspective.

Journaling Your Experience with a Therapeutic Tool

One effective way to aid in healing is through journaling. Using resources like my book, ‘The Remains of Burning: Therapeutic Journal,’ can provide structured prompts and exercises that guide you in expressing and processing these complex feelings.

Consider writing a letter to your former self as part of this practice. This method allows you to confront feelings directly, provide closure, and articulate your emotions, facilitating deep emotional healing.

Seeking Support

Just because this grief is personal doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone. Seek out support from friends, family, or a professional who can provide a listening ear and a safe space to express your feelings. 

It’s important to note, not everyone will understand how and why you have changed. And to be honest, most will not even care. But finding one safe person who seeks to understand can be incredibly healing.

They don’t need to have all the answers; they just need to be there for you. I am fortunate enough to have a handful of hearts that acknowledge what I’ve been through and how it has changed me.

Reflecting on Your Changes

Write about what you’ve learned, how you’ve changed, and the positive aspects of your former self and what you’ve gained from that part of your life. This can help you appreciate the growth that has come from your loss.

Honour who you were, recognising that that person didn’t have what it takes to survive what they experienced. They did not know what you know now. They needed to morph into ‘you’ to cope with the current terrain. The new version of yourself is the one that will carry you into your future. 

Embracing the New You

This process includes discovering new interests, forging new relationships, and establishing new goals.  If this feels overwhelming, know that I understand. For a considerable time, after losing my former self, everything seemed underwhelming. Healing became my day job. I had to actively seek beauty just to experience emotion that counteracted my jadedness.

With time, I begin to recognise the small but significant opportunities that come with embracing the person I have become.

Finding Purpose

One of the most healing actions you can take is to find new purpose and meaning in your life. Craft a new vision, write it down, run with it.

This doesn’t mean you have to have everything figured out right away, but start exploring what brings you joy and fulfillment. Whether it’s a new hobby, a new career path, or a new community, finding something that gives you a sense of purpose can be incredibly empowering.

I’m the Same but Different.

Here’s a writing exercise that has been particularly helpful for me: In your journal, create two columns. In the first column, list all the traits you miss about your former self. In the second column, describe how these qualities manifest in your life today, perhaps in different forms but still providing value. 

For instance, I used to cherish my sheer passion for life and my unshakeable belief in a bright future. After completing this exercise, I realised these traits now appear as gratitude and a strong sense of being present in my current life. Essentially, I’ve traded the intoxication of future-based pipe dreams for a profound appreciation of my current circumstances and what I have now.

Final Words

No matter how you have changed, the best thing about losing a version of yourself is the opportunity it creates for growth and reinvention. It’s a chance to shed limitations and explore new possibilities that align with who you are now.

There’s no question that the person I am today is braver, less judgmental, less controlling, and more empathetic. True, I may have lost a bit of vigor, and certain places, spaces, and faces don’t resonate as they once did. However, it’s growth, not grievances, that drives these changes—and I think that’s a truly beautiful thing.